great to be back

i just arrived in singapore about two hours ago, and i just can't wait to sleep. but my eyes aren't droopy yet, so i'll keep myself busy until they complain :)

work was crazy on-site in south africa, and i am just glad i am having a three-day weekend right now. i felt i was just out of the loop with my friends. i hope these guys would still get me back in the loop :D

i hope i can start feeling the christmas season and i just can't wait to go home to the philippines to be able to spend christmas with my family. i could not imagine how else i would be spending it.

i think my christmas would be fine despite the rollercoaster stuffs that i went through the past months. i am just this big believer of christmas as being the happiest season of the year, and it is important for me to get that feeling every december. good thing, i already received my first christmas gift .. yey! (thanks ri! i'll open it on the 25th na ;)) .. then, i'll also be attending a christmas party tonite, so that's a good start. though i have no idea what's going to happen cuz no one's updating me about it anyways. but whatever, i have my gifts ready. i hope :D

even if i have a three-day weekend, i'll be so busy with preparing my christmas gifts. to my friends who requested some rooibos tea, well, it'll be on its way soon ;) then, i have to be at the ministry of manpower in singapore to get my new work permit.

it's a good thing coming back was not much of a problem despite having lost my travel documents, though i had a little trouble with the south african immigration. the lady who cleared my visa was not in such a good mood, so she gave me a bit of a hard time. but i was glad that was over. i can't wait to posts my pictures soon ;)

well, i know this is just a random ranting of a tired, jet-lagged, traveller. but all i can say, i'm glad to be back .. (i won't be thinking about missing the very fluffy sheraton pillows in my sleep)

south african experience

I'm back, Pretoria.

There were several reasons that got me excited for my second trip to South Africa. One is, we're book to stay at the Sheraton Hotel, which is probably one of the fanciest hotels i've stayed so far - and free of charge. Plus, i get to have a very good view from my window - The Union Buildings.



The other obvious reason is that i have a wide angle lens which i just bought two months ago that will come very, very useful for my new found hobby. Then for more personal reasons, the trip would be an escape to the emotional mess i have once again put myself into, and this trip will be my breathe of fresh air.

before i give the wrong impression, i'm not back to south africa for a personal trip (as i can't afford this kind of fancy trips... yet) .. it's a business trip, which my boss effortlessly planned when i was supposed to apply for a leave. but of course, i'm not complaining. at least, when i'm working close with the client, i get to focus more on my work, and the progress i need to achieve. and so far, i'm on track with that.

so, i packed my stuffs and made sure i have my camera and all the other accessories i've brought for it in a shopping madness for that temporary retail fix (the kind where you just close your eyes as you swipe your credit card from one purchase, to another, and say to yourself.. "heck, i deserve this" in the most convincing way). besides, it's my new hobby, and people do invest in their hobbies... right?

the other thing that got me excited was when i was on board the plane to johannesburg, i saw several really pretty, tall, and very sophisticated ladies on board - me included (except the tall part.. hirit pa gyud :p) .. when we landed to jo'burg, the big sign "Miss world 2008 Johannesburg" just greeted us, and that explains the other sophisticated ladies on board. Basically, they were miss australia, miss japan, miss vietnam (by the costume), and two others whom i did not get to check to what countries they were from. hayy, lahi ra gyud ang dating basta pang beauty queen. they just have this distinct way to carry themselves, and i was just awed how thin these women were.

we arrived at the hotel four hours earlier than the expected check-in time. and instead of requesting for an early check-in, my colleague and i decided to treat ourselves with the very delicious south african food we can get in the shopping center where i really liked, during the first visit. we left our luggages and laptop at the hotel, and i brought my camera, iphone, all credit cards, passport, and all cash i had, with me. after the sumptuous lunch, we decided to do some grocery shopping for toiletries.

the huge grocery store really amazed us and we found a lot of goodies that we could not get in singapore. they simply have more choices when it comes to shampoo, lotion, drinks, junk foods, that we got a bit hyped up with our grocery shopping.

then it happened.

i put my bag on top of the shopping cart since my camera was getting a bit heavy. the shopping cart was never out of my sight as i know south africa is known to be unsafe. well, when you are so used with living in a place like singapore, or maybe japan, you simply slack on looking after your stuffs. so, with me standing just beside my shopping cart, and bending down as i returned an item on the bottom rack, i heard a thud. then as i looked up, i saw my groceries disarranged. then about a second later, i realized that i was just ROBBED!

yes, i was robbed and my camera now is gone, my nikon d70 with a 17-50mm f2.8 tamron lense, my iphone, my money, my credit cards, my PASSPORT, my employment pass in singapore is gone. i was screaming for security, but my GOOLY-MAMA .. everyone was acting like nothing happened!! the security did not alert anybody, people were just standing looking at this crazy asian shouting "i got robbed! i got robbed!! somebody help me!! ... my passport!!" (yes, i was amazed that i still was fluently speaking in english when this shocking incident happened). the security of the place was really unbelievably poor, that i bet, if i was robbed in a shopping mall in cebu and reacted the way i did, security would have acted on it faster. i have to even scream for the store's manager since nobody was really helping me. i demanded for the store to show me their surveillance videos, but they could not. i did not know if i would be hysterical over the loss of my stuffs, or the incompetence of the security of the place.

but then, i had to calm down to be able to act reasonably over the very unfortunate thing that happened. i know that screaming at anyone, or blaming the poor security of the place will not get my things back. the only thing that i could do was go to a police station and file a report, put evidence on what just happened in order to have support as i try to get my travel documents back. it was a first-time experience for me to get robbed, and another first time to visit a police station. good thing i was still able to compose myself and do the things i needed to do over the bad incident.

i went home to the hotel, settled the rest of my stuffs,and called our travel insurance company, which was very, very helpful (makes you realize how insurance companies are very useful for situations like this). as i tucked myself in bed that night, i tried to absorb all the things that just happened in one day.

i closed my eyes telling myself to still be thankful that i was not harmed over the incident. despite it all, i still think that the whole thing was a humbling and a learning experience for me. and if i plan to travel more in the future, i know i should be more cautious and learn more about the place to which i am traveling to. i am just lucky that i'll be staying for a month here, and i have more time to settle my travel documents. another blessing is that there is a Philippine Embassy just right here in Pretoria, and they were able to issue me a new passport in a week's time.

i've been here for less than two weeks yet, and so far, i have recovered well over the incident. i have come to accept that some things just come and go in your life, and we should not be too attached over material things, most specially, as they can be replaced. and your safety is still the most important thing over material possesions. though i had to comfort myself, on my own as i am far away from my family and friends, i am just glad that the people you need the most are just a phone away, or email away, or skype away, or ym away.. and the electronic hug is far better than none. i am also glad that my company was really very helpful and supportive too, that i am having second thoughts of leaving this job.. LOL. see, i get to smile over adversity, but then, that's me.

last weekend, i bought myself a new camera, the cheapest point and shoot i can find here (this is not singapore so gadgets aren't as cheap, and you don't have too many choices at all). it would be such a shame if we could not take any pictures from this trip, because despite the horrible thing that happened, south africa is still a beautiful country. And, i will enjoy the rest of my stay here. good thing, my boss was kind enough to say we should really enjoy our stay here by taking any of the day tours the hotel has. that way, we get to see more of the city and have our weekends filled. whatever tour we take daw, sagot na daw nila..

so, johannesburg, here i come!

my little drama

there were several times that i have been so tempted to just delete this blog for many reasons. it's been four years that i have been ranting my heart out, and sometimes, disclosure wears you out too.
but it's just one of those habits that is difficult to kick out of you. it's a feeble attempt to keep my thoughts organized...they really have this tendency to get wild, y'know.

but then, i've been mum the past months. not only was i preoccupied with my ever-challenging work, but my life's little drama was quite difficult to keep up. i do not want to get into a teleserye mode, but i had to say that in those short months, i had to deal with loosing love, loosing a friend, and almost loosing myself.

i do get tired picking myself up each time i mess up. and yes, i had (emphasis on the past tense) entangled myself with another kind of mess. this time, it was the not-in-my-life-time-i-can-imagine kind. i had my friends' literally pop their eyes out in disbelief when i spilled the news. this explains the recent chronic restlessness - i was simply panicking for the nearest fire exit.

one of the realizations that hit me though is that .. am i not too old to keep running away? haven't i had been through enough hard times that i have not learned to face my problems, head on? why do i always see my life as something that's difficult to live? a friend asked, why do i invite misery in? the only answer i could think of at that instant was.. because i love basking in the pain? (i had to mentally give myself a big slap on the face to make me realize what i had just said)

seriously, i should have realized by now that i am all geared up to fight my weaknesses.

i have:
* my heart (the one who is always putting me in to trouble can also be a good weapon)
* my head (yes, i realize that logic has to be a part in these kinds of troubles)
and
* my faith (it's time i admit i'm no superwoman, i can't do this on my own. besides, my heart and head is nothing without my God)

... and of course, i have an army behind me, and they are my friends who patiently listened to my rants and rambles and whines and all other synonymous words you can think of. the more i get into trouble, the more i realize who my true friends are ... they are always the ones who are ready to share a bit of their strengths to keep my head up.. so, i'm shouting my thanks to all of you.

now, i need time to heal and forgive myself and i do not have to go anywhere this weekend to do that. besides, i have saved the next two weekends for two out-of-country trips already, so i do not mind staying put this time :D (OA na pag three consecutive weekends nako maglaag :X) ..

so what do i have to do to keep myself occupied tomorrow? the options are open to shopping, shopping and more shopping :D ... kidding! seriously, i do not mind if there's no specific plans. i do not have to be restless anymore. what matters is the peace that i am inviting in :)

i still do deserve to bask in sunshine, right?

(thank you Lord, i can't believe the number of second chances you are giving me)

chronic restlessness

if restlessness is a disease, i could be suffering a chronic one. i have blogged countless times about this restlessness, the itch to be somewhere other than here. and, i have always made myself believe that the only way that can make me still is to find someone, or something to anchor me.

but i was wrong. i think i'm wrong. i had never been so restless in my life as i am right now. not even the tons of work that has managed to make me sleepless the past months had done anything about the restlessness. rather, it had made me more restless than ever. i dream about places i'd like to travel. i plan on trips that i know i just do not have the luxury to indulge in. i have visited airline websites for the next available flights for the next best destinations and mentally justifying the splurge i am about to take. i have even checked what is the best weekend trip to make other than batam or bintan in indonesia, or malacca in malaysia (why not?). only if spending 1,000 sgd is justifiable, i would have booked a flight to chiang mai in thailand, or bali in indonesia. if only budget airlines offer a good weekend flight schedules to siem reap in cambodia, i would be taking pictures of angkor wat this weekend now. i will not even mind flying to nepal if only there are good deals for a weekend trip. but no matter how much i argue with myself and my bank account, 1,000 sgd for a weekend flight will never be reasonable. so, forget about the week long trip to los angeles with nats, or a visit to xavi in san diego, or a quick high to josh in seattle :(

sigh. will this restlessness ever stop?

the thought of even finding the thing that would stop the wanderlust in me scares me right now. so, is my problem really that i can not be still? or, i do not want to be still? if i have this much passion about traveling, then what am i freaking doing in this job that traps me in the corners of my freaking cubicle? okay, so i get some travel perks, that should make me happy. it does actually, and i can not almost contain myself when there are plans for the next business trips. :)

now, why am i ranting about these? lately, i got the chance to know people who are just amazingly content about where they are right now and what they are doing and i can not find an ounce of that contentment in me that i am really indeed almost convince i am suffering a chronic disease of restlessness.

is it too late to believe this is just a phase? it is just a phase. yes, this is just a phase. it's a phase! .... :x

post c.n.y. blues

i can't believe the four-day weekend is over.

gawd..how these four days have gone by so quickly and how things have turned out so .. so ... darn unexpectedly! i am back at the moment where i would catch myself laying down in bed and think... WHAT THE HECK DID I PUT MYSELF INTO????? don't you just wish that sometimes we didn't do what we just did, and that we can forget the things that just happened.. and everything else was just a bad dream??

a few days ago, i was dusting off stardusts.. i was seriously looking forward for a fresh start and i am supposed to be happy now and finally be just content. but then, i have to screw everything up. it is my free-spirited, and a-little-bit-of-a-biatch (haha di pa gyud mu-angkon na full pledge :p) side of me that's got to blame for that. sometimes i really wonder why do i have so much carefree attitude that i always fail to think of the consequences of my own actions? it's too cowardly, and too immature.

sometimes, i just never learn. hayy .. kanindut duklon! i really do need to learn to pick myself up this time.

i know it's always never too late to make right the things we did wrong. however, the more important thing that we too have to keep in mind is that we should not waste our second-chance's.

great expectations

i know it happens most of the time where our own actions lead people to the wrong conclusions. sometimes, we get too unaware of what we're doing that we do not mind how people really see our intentions. but most of the time, not minding is the only way to do it because we couldn't really care less how people see through our own gestures as long as we know what we are up to.

if we get too conscious about how we behave, what we say, we end up actually doing things or saying things that we don't intend to. well, that has been my case anyways. in cases like this, i have the tendency to get too uptight that i end up saying things that i don't really mean. that's why i stopped minding (if i can help it).

now, it is not most of the time though that somebody comes to you and tell you about what they think of you. then you get into a situation where you are simply left surprised and betrayed at the same time from the conclusions drawn. there were just too many mixed signals in the air and we're left helpless and hurt because we have just been judged wrongly.

i think this is just a result of people having too many expectations. sometimes, really, before drawing lines in a relationship, things should be clear of what to expect and what not to expect... however, that looses the essence of knowing someone because you simply would know when to not get too close. however too, it could work the other way around. you could make it work to your advantage if you don't expect anything from anyone at all.

i don't know if i am really making sense here.. but well, it really is simply frustrating when you're so over with these expectations, someone gets to you and say you're having too many of them. geez.

money and all its worth

on my first day in cebu, i have to go directly to business. and that means shopping :D

first stop was to get breakfast. red ribbon spaghetti - yummy! i am missing so much local food that i should try at least one of the things i have missed every day during this vacation. :) oh, and the list was not hard to fill for all i could think about was ... i wanna eat this, i wanna eat that :D but i should be worried for noche buena is still days away!

the only thing that i could get my mind off from food is ofcourse, shopping! i so miss the local brands. seeing bayo, kamiseta, maldita, and so much more local brands brewing up in the market is indeed feast for my fashion-loving self. it's such a refresher to finally see a wider variety of great clothes with equally great value :)

so i gave in to my vanity and shopped till i dropped. there goes my money and all its worth. i'll worry about my credit card bills later.. after christmas :D

holiday rush

panick packing. that's how it has always been each time i travel. i took off early from work since there's not much i can really do about my tasks anyways. all i could think about is my upcoming two-week vacation, and all its jazz.

i dropped by the mall to buy some chocolates and troubled myself on how to fit them into my already full baggage. i slept until 5 am that morning just to put all the things that i should bring home together. i guess this is the difference with travelling during the holiday season. there's the christmas gifts you have to bring other than the usual "pasalubong".

after i tried terribly to squeeze in the items on my last-minute shopping without bursting my luggage, i immediately rushed to the airport. news have spread that cebu pacific has been overbooking the passengers for their flights for probably very lame reasons. i can't really get why they need to do this. i arrived at the airport three hours early for my flight and that is something i rarely, rarely do.

so everything else went well right after i checked in. there was enough time to get a nap and do some duty-free window shopping. then i was on board the plane, and almost slept through the whole flight.

it feels good to be on your way home. and doing that during the holidays makes it twice better.

pastilan, piskot

i am not staying up because i'm trying to blog, or do my usual late night muni-muni under the kitchen bulbs as i try to solve my ever elusive, emote2x on cupid's chokehold. but on every pause, every breath .. all i can say is... pastilan, piskot. not that i do really swear. but is this swearing?

i do not want to blog about this freaking work, and yet here it is the nth entry in a row and i can't freaking help myself. i am up at this time, drowning myself with caffeine, because i promised my boss that i am finishing this freaking technical design document where i do not know what to freaking write... how i wish i knew what i was committing into. on another note, i'm exactly doing that - i know what i am n-o-t committing into. why not, choknut? pastilan, piskot, relate lagi dayon! note to self: not everything is all about the heart (and i can hear felvi's devilish laugh in the background).. arrrgghh!

to relax my stressed, caffeine-filled brain, i tried to surf around and watched trailers in youtube of the now most talked about tagalog movie "one more chance". i had high hopes that the trailer would leave me with a tear drop refusing to fall as i try to choke on a sob. drama. pastilan, piskot, can not relate. can not. this is not my story. i should start working on a screenplay of my story. my friends say it is interesting. so there, those were the days. nyahahaha.

i then resorted to blog-hopping and opened up a youtube clip embedded on one site that was supposed to be a link to a feel good song. then i heard the piano slowly playing to the familiar song, then the words started to flow, "i've been living with a shadow overhead"... pastilan, piskot.. unsa mani oi? this is the last song i wanted to hear! i am so over that song. but that doesn't mean i've stopped being a hugh grant fan. i still am. but not that song. not anymore.

hahay.. pastilan, piskot... gi-atot.

this is definitely not one of those good nights.. or good days.. or good early morns. but tomorrow's weekend already. looking at the brighter side, i'm still counting my blessings.

pastilan, piskot, gi-atot. anyone knows the direct translations to these?

the aftermath

incident 1

phone rings ..

me: hello?
vc: hi lizette, how was your coffee spill accident?
me: oh, it was bad.. i'm sorry i missed your call
vc: it's okay, so i guess you survived it.
me: oh yeah, i did *roll eyes*
vc: okay, good

incident 2

phone rings ..

me: hello?
pm: hi lizette, this is *boss's name*
me: oh hi *boss's name*
pm: hope you didn't spill any coffee this time
me: (keeping my cool) .. no sir, the coast is clear

now i'll be remembered as the girl who spills the coffee, and the girl who stained the carpet..

afternoon coffee scare

spilled my cup of coffee all over my desk today. it almost reached my laptop and my office phone. but good thing i was still able to get to them before my coffee did. whew!

you see, i've been interrupted several times at work because my project manager had a very great idea to have me as the only senior working on my current project. the rest have been moved to other projects. (and did i say i didn't want to blog about work??).. since that arrangement started, questions have been flying around since monday on things i don't even have an idea about. but i do get lucky sometimes for i am able to answer some of their queries, so they think i do know a lot, when i don't really. i just got lucky. but enough of that, as i said, i was continually interrupted the whole day that it's difficult to have my full concentration on my task.

so in between the interruptions, i'm sort of just scattily glancing at my notebook. my mind kept wandering on where i left off before i got interrupted. then i heard a beeping sound, like a phone ringing. but it's not my cellphone. the ring was so familiar, and it was getting louder and louder, but i could not get where it was from. so, i looked around to check if someone left his cellphone on my table. but i only saw my phone. that was when i noticed the blinking light on my desk phone. it was my desk phone! i then hurriedly picked up the receiver as i got jumpy from all the ringing, and i haven't even had my cup of coffee yet. however, before i even got hold of the handset, i knocked my cup that i just filled some coffee in it, and now it's running all over my desk.

waaah.. i can see coffee everywhere, and i can smell coffee everywhere!! a good soul in the form of an officemate rushed to help me over my accident, and that was why i was able to rescue my laptop or coffee will be totally banned from the office because of me. or worse, i'll be totally banned from having a cup of coffee because of my silly spilling accident. that would be totally unimaginable!

oh well, i might have survived my coffee scare this afternoon, but i'm still a bit shaken over the incident. i lost my appetite for my coffee. :(

party-planner

i must admit there's a sociable side in me. it only goes out when i am with very very comfortable people. last weekend, i was planning a party for former colleagues just for the reason that we could get together. this saturday, i am planning another party for my two housemates. it's going to be a bridal shower this time.

it's not easy to plan a party. you have to plan for the food and drinks. you have to make sure if someone would actually show up, that includes calling people one by one. you have to make sure that everyone's going to have fun as well, and will enjoy the food that you prepared.

a simple get-together is quite okay cause the only highlight would be the food. but for a bridal shower, there's the invites, the games, the surprises, the food, the drinks and the male-stripper.. hehehehe kidding! i would have wanted to hire my dear friend punyal who's a professional pole dancer. you see, every chance i get to hold that pole in the train, i always get reminded of him.. hehehe i've never seen him dance though, but he said he's quite good (peace punyal!!). however, he said he's already retired. he's busy studying his masters in computer science (not pole dancing) right now. so i'm skipping the male stripper part unless someone else wants to volunteer. anyone??

well, i'm not really complaining about having to prepare a party. in fact, i'm enjoying it very much. i'm now a full-time party planner, and part-time software engineer. how cool is that? :D

when policies change and i have to change

i promised not to blog about work, but i can't help rant about a work policy that changed today. and i'm affected directly by it. seriously! it's still monday. what a way to start the week. :(

our office manager sent an email that work hours have changed. we have to come 30 minutes earlier now. i know that's not much difference. but if you only know how much struggle it is for me to wake up early in the morning. i so want to complain, but i can not defend my nocturnal self. i'm always the last person to arrive at work.. oops! (i hope my boss would never read this).. but i make sure i come in seconds before the designated time in, so i'm not still late. just a buzzerbeater! :p okay.. it's a bad habit! :x

well, i can't really help it, i usually sleep at 2 am on the average. we all know that we are required to sleep 8 hrs a day, and i could barely complete that! you see, i am only looking out for my well-being by trying to get the average sleep that our body needs.

*roll eyes*

okay, i know i'm just to blame for my late nights. but i can't help it too if i am wide awayke at 12 midnight. well, unless i am really really exhausted the whole day or i haven't slept for 48 hrs, then i'd surely drop dead in my bed by then.

so what's the real challenge? how to change ones body clock? how to change a night owl be a morning person?

is it ever too late to change? .. to change our office policy back perhaps?

a busy holiday

there's so much that i want to blog about, but it's almost midnight and i'm beating my deadline for my blog entry for today for the blogging challenge. so, just let me rant about my day.

you see, it's my first busy holiday in my almost two years here in singapore where i didn't have any out of town trips. i usually just spend a very lazy day at home doing nothing. but not anymore.

my friend jan and i hit the movida club at st. james (once again) last night after our therapy yoga class. it was an out of the blue thing, and we were hungry for not having any dinner yet. so we decided to enjoy some groovy latin beat over dinner. however, we were enjoying the music too much that we ended up going home at four a.m. in the morning... oops!

i already woke up at around noon and had a quick brunch with my housemates. afterwhich, i headed back to the gymn for another yoga session. i'm really luvin yoga now. i'm looking forward to every session that i can fit in my schedule. the class today was a bit, err.. tough. there were just three of us, and one girl was really really good at the postures already. our teacher was giving us quite tough positions and she can really get them while i struggled so hard between wobbly knees and elbows. but it's okay, considering it's still my fourth or fifth class :) i even had my first try on headstand positions.. but of course, my teacher was standing beside me so that i won't break my neck! i still even find shoulderstand positions quite tough, but really relaxing.

after yoga class, i met up with my cousin and showed her how to get to china town by train. she is still quite new in singapore so she's not quite confident on how to get around by herself. we didn't get around chinatown much though cuz a friend invited us for dinner and his place is in the land far, far away.. in YewTee. waaah! you see, i live in the east side of singapore and i am so so lazy to even visit my dear friend jan who lives in the west side. any town in singapore's west side is a land far far away for me. :D it's like almost an hour train ride from our place. however, the travel was all worth it as we had a very very delicious dinner.. buti nalang! wehehehe. burp. (excuse me).

my cousin and i got home already at almost ten, and my body's all sore. however, my mind's still quite awake.. so i'd probably be staying up late again.. (oh, i forgot, i just had a cup of coffee) .. it's work day tomorrow, i just hope i won't be late for work :D


okay, happy deepavali everyone! (that's the holiday we're supposed to be celebrating right now)

up and down and around and about

it is still the second day of the NaBloPoMo challenge, and i am already out of topic on what to blog about. but since i am still taking the challenge, i have to write something. so, this entry will purely consist of nonsense rants, but then, most of my blogs are also so filled of that, so what's new?

i do not want to blog about how dull my work day is today because i do not want to talk about my geeky, nerdy job. i do not want to blog about the weather too, and write how the clouds got so dark outside, while lightning strikes from time to time. i remembered being so afraid of thunders and lightning when i was little. and, i also remembered lightning-watching with my very first best guy friend some six years ago. i think he was trying to brew a romantic setup as we were up on a hill one night, looking over the city lights and just plainly watching lightning striking over the far city and we talked about anything under the stars. so sweet. however, no romantic sparks ever flew between us, so we remained very very good friends for a long time, until he got married and is now very busy being a husband and a father that i could totally not relate to him anymore.

sigh. the perils of singlehood. once your dear friends starts to get married one by one, you couldn't help but be really alarmed and think how come you are not even in a decent relationship. then you try to look back how come you've given up on the decent guys that came along simply because you can't settle. of course, i can't simply just settle. and by that thought you get more alarmed because wedding bells may not ring for you. but i'm brushing that thought away. *breathe in, breathe out, relax* .. i still have shower parties to plan.

my body still sores from the yoga class the other day, and i'm taking muscle relaxants already. plus, i think i am about to catch colds because of late nights, trying to put sense into my recent actions. really, thinking too much just simply doesn't help any of our problems because we also need to act on them. and i'm only good at the "thinking too much" part.

"the world is round, it has no point", as a saying goes. well, the world and my life seems to have something in common. good thing, i'm not suicidal... and i'm busy contradicting that.

it will have a point. i know!

taking on a challenge

after pouring my heart out in my previous blog about my current obsession, surprisingly, i found a surge of peacefulness within me that i could not find anything to blog about. my emotions have gone blank. zilch. does this mean that i have managed to make peace with my own demons? or simply put, have i moved on? or ... have i gotten numb?

hmm, i am not too sure if there's even something to move on about the whole thing. i can't say if getting a "closure" would even make a difference. it didn't do a thing when i struggled for it before, so how could it possibly put things in a different perspective now? come to think of it, "closure" is like this thin thread where hopeless romantics desperately hang on to. once you've let go, you realize you were holding on to the wrong thread nweys. so what's there to loose, but time? (well, there's a thought i could bang my head with from time to time.) maybe, indeed, i've gotten numb.

nweys, i am not about to go gushing once again about my own histoire d'amour. all these thoughts just came when i've decided to take on a challenge which i found from charming's website - the NaBloPoMo, where you need to blog about anything everyday for the whole month of november. that's every freaking single day, and i got a life outside work too, if you haven't noticed.

while i was on the bus on my way home from the gym (yes, i'm trying to be a health buff), i was really up for this challenge. i was composing my thoughts on what could i possibly blog about every single day, where i don't have to dwell much on my geeky, nerdy job. that's when i realized that i've burried the hatchet after killing my own demons when i openly wrote about letting go. well, i am not really too sure about killing my own demons. i'm making friends with them would be more like it. befriend your own enemies, as they say. hehehehe. and of course i'm kidding.

okay, there goes the only complex thing in my life these days. dans l'absence d'amour, what is left for me to write? naks.. seriously, what's left for me to rant about? new shoes? new sale? new dish to cook? ... new obsession? hmm..

oh well .. peu importe. i can still very much rant about anything under the sun nweys.

ja, ganbatte! :D

it's not the shoes

there are events in your life, like falling down on your knees in front of many people, construction men at that, that could make you think - dili lagi mag rampa2x basta daghang ali sa dalan! waaaah.

this post is not about some shoes. however, it's this pair of pumps that is an accessory to my embarrassing morning.

you see, our pool is under construction, and the whole re-tiling thing around the area was causing too many obstructions on what is left of our little walkway. i was avoiding a potted plant when my 3.5 inch heels got stuck on the net they used to block around the pool while they work. the next thing i knew, i was out of balance and fell down on my knees, with several eyes having to witness all that.

i had to slowly get up, dust off my pants, and check for bruises.. (and call 911) .. and composed myself. while doing that, i thought to myself, "darn! why do i have to rush to work when wearing my favorite pair of pumps! and why do our pool have to be re-tiled when what it really needs, is to be re-shaped. who wants to swim in a bean-shaped pool when the chances of bumping into someone is high? .. where's your manager!! gusto kong magcomplain!"... hehe of course i didn't call management, nor ranted at the men who were my instant audience during the whole incident. all i had was a bruised ego.

i think i just gave all those men an icebreaker. something to perk up their morning at my expense! hmph! all what's left for me to do was maintain my poise and redeem myself while i slowly walked towards the gate and exited from our apartment. i still could still feel their eyes slowly following me until i reached the gate. once i found myself safe from their gazes and got my senses back, i surprisingly found myself thankful that i didn't fall sideways and sprain my ankle. or worse, i did not take an accidental dive to the pool. i guess i was still lucky. falling down at the pool would have been a definite show stopper.

i just hope those men won't be looking forward for another icebreaker tomorrow. i should really stop procrastinating during mornings and rush myself to work to avoid such accidents.. or, i could also not wear the same pair of shoes while our pool is under construction. :D

in case you're wondering, why the picture? wala lang.. i just want to say, "in fairness, maganda ang shoes ko!" wehehehe. that's the shoe junkie in me talking. :p

spreadin' some luvin'

i was browsing through the different news headlines from my iGoogle, when one subject from my 'Reuters:Oddly Enough' gadget caught my attention. It said, "A bad relationship can cause heart attack"... and i was like, what's so odd with that?

bad relationships can definitely cause you a heart attack. it slowly destroys you. worse, it could definitely kill you if you let it be. i mean, the article said so and those who just got out from one could definitely testify to that. but hey, i don't mean to say that i've just been out of a very very bad relationship, or that i've ever been to one that's close to the killing kind. i mean, we do get to experience a bad relationship at least once, and we all know it's very intoxicating and very consuming. and once you're out of it, you realize that it was not worth to be in it at all.

i am not limiting relationships here to romantic relationships. it could be relationships with friends turned enemies. you could be in a huge family feud, and that's also a form of being in a bad relationship. but i guess families are the most difficult one to get rid off. admit it, families are just those people we can't get away with, cause we didn't choose them in the first place. we're basically stuck with them.

my point is, being in a bad relationship is really not worth it. i mean, if you are in one, get out of it if you still can. while you still can. you will just be in a situation that would ruin you, and whatever is left of your self worth. but i don't mean to say make war with those involved. getting out of a bad relationship could also mean making peace with the person involved. if you think you've been enslaved, intoxicated by someone, talk to that person and try to approach to a healthier, more peaceful atmosphere together. i mean if that person is really worth it in your life. if possible, try to build good relationships with those around you. who knows what you might find out? it would be really surprising to learn that you're the toxic one in the relationship. you're the one that's bringing all the negativity. you're the one who's creating that clashing aura. well, this is just a way of looking at the other side of the coin.

so, strip off that pride, wash away those anger, rinse off that jealousy, and spread love y'all. :p

i sound like a hippie :D well, that's just me getting a bit carried away...but, it would really be such a sad thing if we die from a broken heart, right? :)

garfield wisdom

whenever i'm so stressed or high-strung at work, or whenever my day just seems so grey, dull, gloomy, uneventful, whatever ... i always treat myself with some garfield humour. this cat never fails to crack me up, and loosen up all my uptight nerves.

i was reading my garfield comic strip for today, and i think i just had the best laugh for the day. pathetic? nah. shallow? maybe, but we're entitle to be shallow. :)

"yeah, you, you, and you.. make me pancakes or i'll hose you!" LOL... don't you wish you could just do that to someone who really irks you up for no apparent reason? i bet the shock on the person's face will bring the same smile garfield did when i read this. ahh.. mean me.

a doze of garfield humor a day, keeps all my stress away. add up the 'Garfield of the Day' gadget to your iGoogle then. :)

making it a grey matter

the caffeine-overdosed, slightly tipsy zombie is still awake. she's torturing her already pathetic self with heart-wrenching last episodes of grey's anatomy season 3, trying hard (but failing terribly) not to relate her miserable relationship angsts to whatever the equally misarble characters are facing.

she tells herself, tears are for sissies. no one cries over a jerk.. but darn, mcsteamy's just so freaking hot. her mind wanders about ways to nurture her maternal instincts, whilst she runs away to the farthest corner at the hint of a coming proposal. the next thing she knew, she made herself vulnerable and jumped at the next guy available. headlights were flashing everywhere, but she was just too stubborn to pay attention. she believed she knew all about the game. she thought she was in control and she can handle it all. but when her own emotions betrayed her, she realized that she's just as naive, optimistic and hopeful like any little girl dreaming about the one day when prince charming will come. the biatch in her thinks that really really sucks.

but then, the drama's over when the show stops. tears have dried up, and reality is starting to sink in. however, these words from one of the episodes will remain:

desire leaves our heart broken, it wears us out
desire can wreck your life

but as tough as wanting something can be,
the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want