if restlessness is a disease, i could be suffering a chronic one. i have blogged countless times about this restlessness, the itch to be somewhere other than here. and, i have always made myself believe that the only way that can make me still is to find someone, or something to anchor me.
but i was wrong. i think i'm wrong. i had never been so restless in my life as i am right now. not even the tons of work that has managed to make me sleepless the past months had done anything about the restlessness. rather, it had made me more restless than ever. i dream about places i'd like to travel. i plan on trips that i know i just do not have the luxury to indulge in. i have visited airline websites for the next available flights for the next best destinations and mentally justifying the splurge i am about to take. i have even checked what is the best weekend trip to make other than batam or bintan in indonesia, or malacca in malaysia (why not?). only if spending 1,000 sgd is justifiable, i would have booked a flight to chiang mai in thailand, or bali in indonesia. if only budget airlines offer a good weekend flight schedules to siem reap in cambodia, i would be taking pictures of angkor wat this weekend now. i will not even mind flying to nepal if only there are good deals for a weekend trip. but no matter how much i argue with myself and my bank account, 1,000 sgd for a weekend flight will never be reasonable. so, forget about the week long trip to los angeles with nats, or a visit to xavi in san diego, or a quick high to josh in seattle :(
sigh. will this restlessness ever stop?
the thought of even finding the thing that would stop the wanderlust in me scares me right now. so, is my problem really that i can not be still? or, i do not want to be still? if i have this much passion about traveling, then what am i freaking doing in this job that traps me in the corners of my freaking cubicle? okay, so i get some travel perks, that should make me happy. it does actually, and i can not almost contain myself when there are plans for the next business trips. :)
now, why am i ranting about these? lately, i got the chance to know people who are just amazingly content about where they are right now and what they are doing and i can not find an ounce of that contentment in me that i am really indeed almost convince i am suffering a chronic disease of restlessness.
is it too late to believe this is just a phase? it is just a phase. yes, this is just a phase. it's a phase! .... :x
but i was wrong. i think i'm wrong. i had never been so restless in my life as i am right now. not even the tons of work that has managed to make me sleepless the past months had done anything about the restlessness. rather, it had made me more restless than ever. i dream about places i'd like to travel. i plan on trips that i know i just do not have the luxury to indulge in. i have visited airline websites for the next available flights for the next best destinations and mentally justifying the splurge i am about to take. i have even checked what is the best weekend trip to make other than batam or bintan in indonesia, or malacca in malaysia (why not?). only if spending 1,000 sgd is justifiable, i would have booked a flight to chiang mai in thailand, or bali in indonesia. if only budget airlines offer a good weekend flight schedules to siem reap in cambodia, i would be taking pictures of angkor wat this weekend now. i will not even mind flying to nepal if only there are good deals for a weekend trip. but no matter how much i argue with myself and my bank account, 1,000 sgd for a weekend flight will never be reasonable. so, forget about the week long trip to los angeles with nats, or a visit to xavi in san diego, or a quick high to josh in seattle :(
sigh. will this restlessness ever stop?
the thought of even finding the thing that would stop the wanderlust in me scares me right now. so, is my problem really that i can not be still? or, i do not want to be still? if i have this much passion about traveling, then what am i freaking doing in this job that traps me in the corners of my freaking cubicle? okay, so i get some travel perks, that should make me happy. it does actually, and i can not almost contain myself when there are plans for the next business trips. :)
now, why am i ranting about these? lately, i got the chance to know people who are just amazingly content about where they are right now and what they are doing and i can not find an ounce of that contentment in me that i am really indeed almost convince i am suffering a chronic disease of restlessness.
is it too late to believe this is just a phase? it is just a phase. yes, this is just a phase. it's a phase! .... :x
7 comments:
let me join the club :D
i wanna get out of japan and visit other placess ... :D
y not drop by here in singapore? u r always welcome to crash into my place :D
.. tara... byahe tayo :)
dear.. parehas ta.. i have been having severe wanderlust for the longest time.
travelling to different places is a luxury. i can stay there a few days, go home and feel restless right away again. but the prospect of staying for weeks in nyc is something that leaves me excited weeks before my travel and empty when the i board the airplane back to manila... and that empty feeling lingers...until my next trip back.. :(
as you said, i hope this is just a phase ... kay mahal sa new york!
does it come with age? =) i feel like i'm losing my mind when i'm staying in place, i need to keep moving and running away from safety. let's go skydiving! ^^
i dunno.. some people my age are staying put and are not as restless as i am.
hahaha.. was supposed to go skydiving last summer. super excited unta.. then it rained :-(
I know what you mean!
It was just over one year ago I got home from my last trip (9months backpacking Asia). Now that I'm home, I feel like an alien in my own city.
I long to travel again SO BAD that I feel like I don't even belong here. I go day by day watching everyone and everything (aka - life) happen. I'm just not content here.
I think the intense restlessness means, not that I need to find an anchor, but to stop putting up walls around me and FOLLOW what it is I'm after. Follow my dreams. TRAVEL MORE.
Even if that means I have to make sacrifices to save up enough money (ie. pick up extra work shifts on the weekends).
I'm DETERMINED to travel again because I know that's where I find true peace and happiness.
Perhaps you too?
wow ha.. so this chronic restlessness also loves company :D
well, i think i have to think of making those sacrifices just to save up enough money for this wanderlust...
hmm.. so it's not possible to take a year off without work just to be able to travel through places..
i really need to start saving up.. seriously :D
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