chronic restlessness

if restlessness is a disease, i could be suffering a chronic one. i have blogged countless times about this restlessness, the itch to be somewhere other than here. and, i have always made myself believe that the only way that can make me still is to find someone, or something to anchor me.

but i was wrong. i think i'm wrong. i had never been so restless in my life as i am right now. not even the tons of work that has managed to make me sleepless the past months had done anything about the restlessness. rather, it had made me more restless than ever. i dream about places i'd like to travel. i plan on trips that i know i just do not have the luxury to indulge in. i have visited airline websites for the next available flights for the next best destinations and mentally justifying the splurge i am about to take. i have even checked what is the best weekend trip to make other than batam or bintan in indonesia, or malacca in malaysia (why not?). only if spending 1,000 sgd is justifiable, i would have booked a flight to chiang mai in thailand, or bali in indonesia. if only budget airlines offer a good weekend flight schedules to siem reap in cambodia, i would be taking pictures of angkor wat this weekend now. i will not even mind flying to nepal if only there are good deals for a weekend trip. but no matter how much i argue with myself and my bank account, 1,000 sgd for a weekend flight will never be reasonable. so, forget about the week long trip to los angeles with nats, or a visit to xavi in san diego, or a quick high to josh in seattle :(

sigh. will this restlessness ever stop?

the thought of even finding the thing that would stop the wanderlust in me scares me right now. so, is my problem really that i can not be still? or, i do not want to be still? if i have this much passion about traveling, then what am i freaking doing in this job that traps me in the corners of my freaking cubicle? okay, so i get some travel perks, that should make me happy. it does actually, and i can not almost contain myself when there are plans for the next business trips. :)

now, why am i ranting about these? lately, i got the chance to know people who are just amazingly content about where they are right now and what they are doing and i can not find an ounce of that contentment in me that i am really indeed almost convince i am suffering a chronic disease of restlessness.

is it too late to believe this is just a phase? it is just a phase. yes, this is just a phase. it's a phase! .... :x

getting christmas-y

christmas is indeed getting nearer and nearer. i just can't help but be extra excited this time for the coming yuletide season as i'll be able to finally spend it with the entire family. yey! finally, i could see streets filled with lanterns, i could hear christmas songs played everywhere i go and people from everywhere in town would be singing christmas carols at home! not to mention, there'd be noche buena.. and a tree filled with gifts, gifts.. and gifts. obviously, christmas season is definitely my favorite time of the year.:D


though i haven't played some christmas carols yet here at the apartment for the added "christmas-y" feel, i have already busied myself by bringing out the christmas decors from last year, set up our teeny-weeny christmas tree (about 15 inches) at the center table in the living area. i have also bought new decors for the tv stand, and i think i need to buy a few more to add more of the yuletide feel in it. i want it to be "pasko na pasko" here just like how we do it back home. it makes me smile to see that there's already a hint of the yuletide season in our almost bare flat as early as now :)

surely, i can't wait for christmas to come.

"pasko, pasko, pasko na naman muli" *playing at the back of my head* ....

"pasko na .. sinta ko..." .. ahihihi.. that's all i want for christmas! hahaha :D

ring those bells

"I cant contain my joy'
Cause I finally found the boy
I've been missin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells"
- I can hear the bells (Hairspray, 2007)

i just watched this film and this song got me reminisce how nice it feels to be head over heels in love with someone. like it's been a long time i've felt those butterflies in my stomach. can't eat. can't sleep. can't stop thinking of you kind of love. i know it sounds so highschool, so naive, so clueless that reality is forcing itself to sink in on me.. but i want to brush off any negative thoughts for now and forget life's tough realities.

let me float. let me fall. let me hear the bells.

at kanino naman? naku! pinch me! i'm falling in love with love again.

starstruck

i hope it's not too late for my wishlist.

if i can't have prince charming for 2007.. can i just have an iPhone?

on another note, i wonder what steve jobs would be up to next after the iPhone... iMe? :D