deux mille cinq

i was thinking of meeting the new year without even contemplating about how 2005 was. then i read ria's year ender survey, and thought about doing the same thing just to see how life has been for me this year. below are my own answers to the year-ender survey (inspired by ria's blog).

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
* learned how to drive, and actually got to drive with a license
* travelled out of the country alone, lived in a hotel and had the scariest job interview (and that was an all expense paid experience, so okay lang)
* travelled more of luzon (reached baguio, vigan, laoag, and pagudpod)
* travelled more out of the country (all for leisure)
* wrote poetry (i did some cheap attempts :p)

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
* i guess. the only resolution i made for 2005 was to be serious with my career. i guess i did just that.

What countries did you visit?
* japan, u.s. and singapore

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
* the day i resigned from my previous company.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
* being able to drive in the interstate road despite everyone's fear on my driving skills, nobody else believed that i could do it, and i proved 'em wrong
* being able to find work here in singapore

what was your biggest failure?
* i wasn't able to pass the scariest job interview, not because i have no idea of what their asking me, but because i wasn't able to think right under all those pressure.

What was the best thing you bought?
* i didn't have a big buy this year.. i spent everything on my trips, so i guess the best thing i bought would be the experiences i got from all of those travels.

Where did most of your money go?
* travelling, shopping and paying off my credit cards

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
* when i left for the u.s. for a job interview :) ... it would be my first time to travel to seattle, and i don't know anyone there. there's no one who would pick me up. plus, i had to drive myself from the airport to the hotel.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?
* Through the fire

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? -- fatter :(
iii. richer or poorer? -- richer! (perhaps)

What do you wish you'd done more?
* exercised more, diet more

What do you wish you'd done less of?
* i wish I've eaten less, spent less on non-essential stuffs

What was your favorite TV program?
* Pinoy Big Brother, Full House (korean)

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
* None, the ones i hated last year.. still hate 'em now :D

What was the best book you read?
* i think i read only two books this year (he's just not that into you and the bridge across forever), so it's the former

What did you want and get?
* i wanted to learn how to drive so badly and finally did
* i moved out of cebu and landed me a job here

What was your favorite film of this year?
* star wars 3, innocent steps(korean)

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
* for my 26th birthday, i almost had a fight with my mom. which i would never never never want to do again. but we made peace before the day ended. then i had dinner with my friends later that night. not much huh? maybe next year would be a more memorable one :)

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
* i was more into jeans and sneakers.

Who did you miss?
* janeth, joan and my other ka-berks in cebu

Who was the best new person you met?
* my french teacher, i learned a lot from him, and i enjoyed each class i had and wish i could still continue my classes
* renzel, well she's a really sweet girl from my psw team. i'm just glad to find a friend in her :)
*

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
* never forget your faith, when the world would turn its back on you, the Lord would never miss to offer an open arm.
* always be grateful about everything in life (all good and bad), for everything happens for a reason
* determination could really make you go leaps
* if other people think they know you better, it's always smarter to think that you know yourself better than them.
* it is always nice to have someone to travel with you.
* falling in love is 70% from your mind.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
* that i am the best team lead ever :D
* vous etes jolie (french guy nagsabi nito :p)
*

The most touching experience you've had this year?
* the moment that i told my team that i was resigning from my job, i knew i wasn't only leaving some job and officemates behind, i was also leaving good friends, good people who contributed a lot to making a bright day in an otherwise dull day at the office. however, letting me know how they feel about my resignation, their all out support and their trust in me despite how i was maltreated, was something i didnt expect at all. they made leaving all the more difficult to bear. i just miss all of them.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
* that i am stronger and wiser perhaps

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
* my appetite and my compulsiveness

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
* "Through the fire, To the limit, to the wall"

Was 2005 a good year for you?
* on the first part, it was smooth sailing. it was fun with all the travelling. valentines in manila, summer vacation in osaka. and other gimiks in cebu. but then it also had its share of bumps along the way. the good thing though is i still managed to put myself back on the right track.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
* the moment i got out of the seatac airport and started driving into the interstate road. all my problems in cebu totally got lost in the highway.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
* mid october

Where were you when 2005 began?
* tagbilaran city

Who were you with?
* Family

Where will you be when 2005 ends?
* singapore

Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
* my friends here, we'll be watching some fireworks at the marina bay

Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
* save, save and save

What was your favorite month of 2005?
* mid october to november

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?
* nope. way way less alcohol as compared to last year.

Do a lot of drugs in 2005?
* just my medications, but nothing addicting

How much money did you spend in 2005?
* all that i earned in 2005 + pag-ibig loan :(

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
* can anyone remind me? sa kadaghan siguro hehehehe

What are your plans for 2006?
* save up for the 2007 euro tour with my friends, and go to malaysia, thailand and hongkong

How are you different now that the year has ended?
* i have clearer goals with what to do in my life (at least for the next three years). when the year started, i never really had anything planned out. well, except for the career thing.

What are your wishes for the new year?
* i had to quote ria's wish here "I wish for more laughter and love not just for me but for my single friends as well"
* i wish for love, laughter and good health to all my friends and family
* i wish i could finally learn to really speak french

ho-ho-hum

christmas day passed with all my pre-christmas anxieties gone. well, i was worried if i'd be too homesick on my first holiday away from home. i used to picture myself listening to the famous celine dion's song for singles "All by myself" (ala bridget jones) while i sulk. good thing nothing close to that ever happened. i got busy reminding myself that it's christmas, and it's a time to be grateful about the blessings we all have and be more sensitive with other people's needs (or wants).

though it was quite difficult to get the feeling of christmas for i barely see reminders on the streets or in the houses and buildings as i commute between work and home. i know the essence of christmas isn't in all those glitz. but that's usually the most obvious sign (aside from the date) that the festive season is near.

so on the day before christmas, my friends and i hurriedly put up some christmas decors in our apartment. it was a good thing that there were left over decors from my company's christmas party the night before. aren't we resourceful? :D but that was way better than having none at all :D we all got excited looking at our work of art. the christmas spirit was definitely about the house when we saw our improvised christmas tree :)

if we had christmas decors at home, then we definitely wouldn't miss the "noche buena" (?). well, if you call instant pasta, pizza, chicken chops and home-made desserts a feast :D i guess we had more than enough since we even had the luxury to invite two other guests later that night... who literally spent their christmas on the streets ;-)

after dinner, we had the traditional gift-giving. though the "little" party ended out too soon since there were just the four of us. hehehe but it was fun. after which, we attended the christmas eve midnight mass at the nearby church. i was quite surprised to see so many attendees on the service knowing singapore isn't predominantly christian (or catholic to be specific). it was heartwarming to see all those church-goers. it was much the same back home.

well, the night became complete after i called home. being able to talk to my family and knowing that all of them are fine is good enough. additional blessings came when friends manage to send their christmas messages. it feels good that your friends still remember to greet you when you know their sms message costs a lot more.( hehehe. sa mga nagtipid, i understand though )

so there was really no reason to be anxious about after all. christmas will always be christmas wherever you celebrate as long as you know what really matters in this time of year. and that is being able to share the love, happiness and all other blessings that you have, not only to your family and friends, but most specially to those who needs them.

btw, many thanks to all who sent their christmas wishes thru email, sms or e-cards. :)

rise

by Gabrielle

I know that it’s over
But I can’t believe we’re through
They said that time’s a healer
And I’m better without you
It’s gonna take time I know
But I’ll get over you

Chorus:
Look at my life
Look at my heart
I have seen them fall apart
Now I’m ready to rise again
Look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
I’m building bridges from these scenes
Now I’m ready to rise again

Caught up in my thinking, yeah
Like a prisoner in my mind
You pose so many questions
But the truth was hard to find
I better think twice I know
That I’ll get over you

Much time has passed between us
Do you still think of me at all?
My world of broken promises
Now you won’t catch me when I fall

===============================

it's kinda funny how a song could still stir the same emotions just like the way it did when you last heard it. even if it were some two long years ago. well, this song somehow defined a part of my life, and showed a silver lining to a future that is now. i recall painful memories without the hurt. you remember the same emotions, yet somehow they feel differently now. it's like reading your own diary and thinking the person in that book is someone else.

remembering the naive me, i thought that i could not get over the hurt i was going through then. despite all the high hopes i had. i guess when we are going through difficult times in our lives, we always rush past the hurting stage. we don't want to go through all the hell that we are feeling.

it's been a while. yet, i admit that unanswered questions still occasionally cloud over me. but i just brush them off easily (something i've learned only through time). it'll always be a better day as long as you learn to eliminate the what-if's of your life. for i know that in time i'll learn to let go of them. all of them.

well, this is all part of moving on. and there's no shortcut for it. but once you've crossed that bridge and look back at the lessons learned, priceless experiences of learning to pick yourself up to rise again, you become more determined to live as the person you're meant to be. you could see how much you've grown and how much of your hopes and dreams have been built little by little. for there's only a stronger and hopefully, a better (not bitter) you ahead.

settled

after a month, i finally found a place to settle in. my friends and i just got ourselves a condo-apartment that we have leased for two years. but that's not by choice. i didn't realize that there's so much to consider when picking a condo unit here. everything depends what your agent could get you. sometimes, they pressure you for quick decisions when there's so much to consider. and after all the waiting and choosing, you end up settling for something not what you really want, but is the right one for the moment. most specially when you badly need one at that moment. besides, we didn't have that much luxury to choose for there's always an equivalent price for the things that you always want/wish to have. so it's either you raise your stakes or settle.

and that's we did. we settled. but somehow, after making our new place as cozy as we can get, we indeed got ourselves "settled". and we're happy. well, happiness, after all, doesn't mean acquiring fancy things. happiness is being contented with what you have. and that's how we felt with our new place. :)

i guess i could finally see myself living here for some time after having moved to a place of my own now. but of course, it won't be the marriage kind of settling down. oh, DEFINITELY not! hmm.. i just don't know yet for how long i intend to stay here. that is just too soon to tell.

pictures to follow :)

christmas

december. one of my favorite months of the year. next to my birthday month of course :)

how time flies fast. and if i continue to go about my daily routine between work and home, for sure, december 25 would pass without me noticing. but i wouldn't let that happen.

it's going to be my first christmas spent away from my family. and maybe because of that, i couldn't quite feel the christmas spirit. is it because i am in this country where the season of christmas is associated with extravagant christmas street lights and endless shopping sales? everytime i walk along orchard road, i get dazzled by the street lights and the big christmas tree just outside Paragon. however, it's all empty. i don't get the same feeling compared when i see our own christmas tree at home. i can't feel the warmth when i see us, gathering around and getting busy for the christmas season. even if there were christmas songs going about on every streets i go, it isn't just going to be the same.

this christmas would be all about missing my family and close friends.

gay or not?

how to ask a friend if your crush (who happened to be his friend) is gay or not?

i just had a good chat with an old friend, who happened to have gotten close with a past crush of mine. ever since, i've bugged him on info's about that crush. does he have a girlfriend? is he seeing anyone lately? what he's currently upto? and whatever things girls would like to know about their crushes.

in our conversation,we got to talk about my crush and realized that it has been a long time since i had a crush on his friend. it's been eight long years and he's more than ten years my senior. so he's like running forty now. but believe me, he totally doesn't look like it. :)

anyways, here's how our chat went about and how much i wanted to know if my crush was gay or not and why that thing's been ringing on my mind since who-knows-when.

me :: yellow
old-guy-friend :: high!
me :: how are you? anything new? :D
old-guy-friend :: i'm meeting up with *my-crush's-name* :D
me :: why is that?
me :: is he gay????
old-guy-friend :: how is that related!? hehe!
me :: or am i just in denial? hahahaha
old-guy-friend :: i have no idea hehehe!
me :: i asked you to find it out a long time ago...
me :: still no idea????
old-guy-friend :: how do you find out if a man is gay?
me :: if he's past 30 and he hasn't had a straight girl relationship for 10 years
me :: how many girlfriends has he had since i met him??
old-guy-friend :: ...
old-guy-friend :: i have no idea. :D
me :: he's got to be a 30 something V..hehehehehe
old-guy-friend :: how many boyfriends?
me :: oh yeah.. we didn't include that
me :: well at least 1 boyfriend could make a guy.. gay
old-guy-friend :: haven’t heard he’s got a boyfriend, right? hehe!
me :: so.. what is he??
old-guy-friend :: maybe just asexual :D
me :: oh yeah...i forgot.. humans could be that
me :: he hasn’t taken advantage on you.. has he??
me :: hehehehe you're close friends!
old-guy-friend :: hehehe!
old-guy-friend :: you are just frustrated. That’s all :P
me :: hehehehe it's nothing.. can't stop wondering about that every time his name gets mentioned :D
me :: i mean.. it's normal since i had a long time crush on him :)
old-guy-friend :: hehe! coz u wanted him but failed. miserably :P
me :: hehehehe okay!!
me :: i didn’t do any moves on him!!!
me :: it was fun observing him though hehehehe
old-guy-friend :: so as a defense, you start making up these stories to console your grief! :P
me :: hehehehehe
me :: nah.. he's got to be gay!!
old-guy-friend :: :D
me :: heheheh or chooosy and picky..
me :: but then.. that's so feminine
me :: or.. he's saving it for the RIGHT one
me :: and that's romantic? but still.. less male hehehehe
old-guy-friend :: there you go again... :D
me :: heheheheh it's just.. i got to think about it now
me :: so it's a normal reaction on my side
old-guy-friend :: normal defensive reaction for the preservation of your dignity :D
me :: whatever!!
old-guy-friend :: heheh!
me :: why not ask him?.. tell him some people are wondering
me :: you're the one whose friends with him
me :: and close :)
me :: if we were close.. i'd surely ask him
old-guy-friend :: yeah right!
me :: have some heart to heart talk when he gets there..
me :: com'n !!
old-guy-friend :: yes, dear.
old-guy-friend :: ok, manipulate me. you want me to give up my left leg for you too? sure!
old-guy-friend :: :P
me :: hehehehe i didnt manipulate you to do it.. i'm just giving you some suggestions while you're at it..
me :: and he's meeting you
me :: and you would be spending more time together
me :: and for sure you would be talking about personal stuffs
me :: and for sure this conversation would pop up in your mind when you see him...
old-guy-friend :: who said we would be talking about personal stuffs?!
old-guy-friend :: when did guys ever talk about personal stuffs?!
me :: people do that
me :: over a few bottles of beer???
old-guy-friend :: i mean, what is it to me if he is gay or not?!
old-guy-friend :: what do i get if i find out? nothing!
old-guy-friend :: :P
me :: you can tell me
me :: it will answer my questions
me :: it's a favor actually
old-guy-friend :: whose interest will it serve?! certainly not mine!
old-guy-friend :: hehehehe!
me :: it will serve mine and some of those who also are wondering about it
me :: for the good of the people
old-guy-friend :: but why? how can it possibly serve you?
me :: hmmm.. to let the thought die down.. and finally give it some rest?
old-guy-friend :: why cant it get rest now?
me :: if these thoughts about him were souls, well ..there'd be more disturbed souls roaming about this earth
me :: because it has no answer
old-guy-friend :: but these are not souls.
old-guy-friend :: these are just fragments of people's thinking
me :: fragments that still needs to be put to rest
old-guy-friend :: souls, we can not do much about but thoughts, we can control!
me :: it was a metaphor
old-guy-friend :: hehe! fine
old-guy-friend :: well, these things will stop if you decide to stop them. that's all :D

****

okay, so my old-guy-friend didn't really answer my question. and that has been a long time argument between us. i never did succeed convincing him to ask if my crush was gay or not. so that means there's nothing to be confident about my persuasive skills. Or, my friend could have a point. i should really let this topic to rest. well, till next time we get to talk about him again :)

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Disclaimer : Any resemblance to real persons, living or barely alive, is purely coincidental... simply put - "keep it to yourself".