dusting off those stardusts

so, i didnt get to say what i wanted to say. i just sat there, looking back at you, wishing my eyes didn't betray how my heart felt at that instant. you smiled, then i just smiled back filling in the awkward silence. it was kinda funny actually, being there with you at that moment. we were both in a situation where we know that words would be unnecessary. some things are simply better kept unknown, they won't make much of a difference anyways. so why bother?

i don't think i am really good with goodbyes. and if that would be the last time that i will get to see you, then at least i have more happy memories to look back to. you had me swoon in your arms and made me last through the holidays without being nostalgic. you were lots of things to me despite it all. you came like the knight in shining armor. then just before you had to go, you taught me how to fight my fears. you were the angel who showed me how to fly (though i know you don't actually believe in that). it is simply sad to let you go so easily like that - a simple shrug on my shoulder and you were gone.

my mind and my heart are so full of contradictions right now. i know i have all the right to be mad. but i also have the right to be happy. i choose 'happy'. i know i will be happier that things ended the way it just did. this broken feeling that's consuming me right now is simply temporary. it will be over soon.

spreadin' some luvin'

i was browsing through the different news headlines from my iGoogle, when one subject from my 'Reuters:Oddly Enough' gadget caught my attention. It said, "A bad relationship can cause heart attack"... and i was like, what's so odd with that?

bad relationships can definitely cause you a heart attack. it slowly destroys you. worse, it could definitely kill you if you let it be. i mean, the article said so and those who just got out from one could definitely testify to that. but hey, i don't mean to say that i've just been out of a very very bad relationship, or that i've ever been to one that's close to the killing kind. i mean, we do get to experience a bad relationship at least once, and we all know it's very intoxicating and very consuming. and once you're out of it, you realize that it was not worth to be in it at all.

i am not limiting relationships here to romantic relationships. it could be relationships with friends turned enemies. you could be in a huge family feud, and that's also a form of being in a bad relationship. but i guess families are the most difficult one to get rid off. admit it, families are just those people we can't get away with, cause we didn't choose them in the first place. we're basically stuck with them.

my point is, being in a bad relationship is really not worth it. i mean, if you are in one, get out of it if you still can. while you still can. you will just be in a situation that would ruin you, and whatever is left of your self worth. but i don't mean to say make war with those involved. getting out of a bad relationship could also mean making peace with the person involved. if you think you've been enslaved, intoxicated by someone, talk to that person and try to approach to a healthier, more peaceful atmosphere together. i mean if that person is really worth it in your life. if possible, try to build good relationships with those around you. who knows what you might find out? it would be really surprising to learn that you're the toxic one in the relationship. you're the one that's bringing all the negativity. you're the one who's creating that clashing aura. well, this is just a way of looking at the other side of the coin.

so, strip off that pride, wash away those anger, rinse off that jealousy, and spread love y'all. :p

i sound like a hippie :D well, that's just me getting a bit carried away...but, it would really be such a sad thing if we die from a broken heart, right? :)

a birthday gift

i've been meaning to write about how we came to be, much to our surprise (much more for our common friends). for one who had been openly advocating on not dating friends, who would have thought i'll end up with one?

early this year, i've been secretly promising to straighten out my life, and be a better person. so that when the person hand-picked by God comes, i'll be all ready for him (emotionally, spiritually, and physically :p). when one of my barkada surprisingly confessed his romantic feelings for me, i thought he was the one already. however, when i started to follow the signs that i've been seeking, even to my heart's disagreement, i knew i was heading for another set of heartaches. had i not followed the lessons from my past, i would have committed the same mistakes all over again, at my heart's expense.

good thing i was bent on making myself be a better person(though still on the progress). little did i know that i was just being lead to the right person for me. was it fate? destiny? whatever you call it. when the other person was being unavailable, you were simply there. i guess it all started in that disneyland adventure in hongkong. i thought it was only coincidence that we loved the same things while we were growing up. we both had fun remembering our favorite disney movies, and singing to the familiar tunes. :)

magic was doing its wonders just that we'd end up together. i admit i was still too caught up by my own web to see the fireworks. i was too guarded then, but each day you've made me let my guard down little by little until i managed to open my doors for you. it was only later that i realized how much of my prayers were answered. our friends might not get it. i might insist against it. but i could not deny the fact that for each day that passes by, you've become more of the person i've secretly been praying for.

sometimes i feel sorry for holding back when you deserve so much more. you see, you're not only full of sweet words, and soft melodies.. you made me realize what it is to believe in love and all its magic once again. i am glad that i've found you. you simply sweep me off my feet, just the way i imagined it to be.

i hope i'm reading the signs right this time. cuz simply, i could not ask for more :)

twas in the stars

i don't really believe in astrology. but sometimes, when what you read gets coincidental with what's currently happening in your life, it becomes a source of harmless fun.

so much has been going on lately (thus the silence in my blog-dom), that i really do not know how to start writing about it. and like as if the stars have planned it (okay, for astrology's sake), i came across the astrology section of yahoo on love and relationships for the month of may (first time i've done this), it seems that what i've been meaning to write has already been written for me. (pag inlove ba naman, i-link lahat sa stars, sa numbers, sa nature, sa weather para lang ma explain ang di ma explain.. hehehe)

Piscean's Monthly Love for May, 2007

"As the month begins on the 1st and 2nd, you are at a major turning point romantically. Are you really getting to know yourself so that you can own your own insecurities and not project them onto another person? Are you gaining a better understanding of what you need and what you can't stand in a relationship with somebody else? Are you just plain more comfortable? That sounds great. Keep working on it all month long. By the 6th and 7th, you've got a much clearer vision of what's happening, and this allows you to deal with problems much more effectively. The 11th, you have a really fantastic, absolutely romantic day. Enjoy it -- after all, you've done a lot of hard emotional work to get here. By the 15th, you're going to have the opportunity to accept the things for what they are rather than continue to imagine that they're the way you'd like them to be. Even if this is a little difficult, it's good for you. The 20th, if you want it -- or them -- go for it. By the 26th and 27th, it's time for you to really go for your desires. The 31st, you're at another turning point. Which way do you turn, sweet pea?"

well, i didn't really mind the dates cause they're most likely just picked at random. but the sequence of how things turned out was just plainly coincidental with what i was going through all month long - except of course on the part where how things will be concluded. right now, i'm very definite on which way i would turn :)