for you .. in dreams

for the sleepless nights, and the restless mornings, for the stolen glances, and the endless longing... for all the unheard whispers ... for everything, for you.

"you left me even before i met you, how could that happen? i loved you even before i knew. and now the days on the calendar fall one by one like autumn leaves, reminding me of a time that never was when i used to sleep in your embrace. it seems like eons ago, a whole other life lived from the other window.

i tried to quit you, but like a habit forming drug, you have corrupted my system until i could no longer distinguish between what's real and what's pigment of my raging illusions.

if only i could live in dreams, and never wake, but my alarm clock is too selfish, it wants to snatch my piece of heaven and let me slide back down to earth without grace, like wingless angels that have lost their faith.

they say nothing is ever lost, nothing that can't be found. and yet i know in my heart that i'll never find you, because i never lost you,

because i never really had you at all."
- poeticnook, in dreams

a day of lasts

it's the last day of the NaBloPoMo challenge, and i think i faired enough. i missed three days but that's not too bad, don't ya think? (yey, i did it. :D )

aside from being the last day of the month-long blogging challenge, it's also the last day of the month and it's going to be December. finally, a month to go before another year starts. a month to look back, ponder, and do a personal recollection of how much we've grown spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially, intellectually... and all other aspects that we think we should at least improve.

on a lesser serious note, it's also the last work day of the week and another weekend to enjoy. i'm torn between doing social work or feeding my vanity tomorrow. hmm... what-to-do-what-to-do. it's a tough choice.. really. *roll eyes*.

another worry, i feel the party-pooper in me is coming out. not when the festive season is just about to start! i guess my excitement came in too early this year that it died down quickly too. but i'm probably just exhausted from all the party-planning and partying the past weeks that i have this strange urge to burry myself with work this weekend. what a weird way to balance work with social life. and yeah right, if that happens! duh!

so, december.. the last month of the year.. it seems that i have been anticipating so much for your coming. and now you're finally here. *deep breath* (note to self: kaya mo yan.)

He's got plans too

nat's comment on my previous entry really got me thinking.

"if you want to make God laugh, make a plan."

actually, that's the first time i heard of such saying, but indeed it has some truth in it. it's not the first time though that i have received a comment of that sort. i guess i invite such comments when i ranted about my plans for next year and how much i am putting at stake just to stick with it.

so maybe i am very comical in God's eyes right now. i got plans! but really, i do agree that all is in His hands. i just need reminders! :D i know in my heart, He always has my best interest.

all i got to do is behave.

ep renewed

it's still three months before my employment pass expires, but my boss decided to have it renewed as early as now. according to him, we do not have to wait for the last minute for the renewal application - well, with the holidays coming, and me taking a long leave, etc etc. (?) difficult it may seem to have those reasons connected with my application, i don't want to disagree. i would have wanted to tell him to wait as there might be no need for a renewal (naks! the thought is giving me goosebumps pa. lol.), but it would be giving him some hint about my "plans". and i don't want that to happen.. yet. too soon, baka ma preempt (hwag naman Lord).

but maybe it's for the good. maybe plan B would be the way to go. what's plan A once again? i don't want to say my future's too bleak, but you see, i've made a layout for a plan A, B, C, D and E of my life next year. i even have a song to sing come january, to meet the year with gusto! :D call that uber-prepared. (er, not financially though :X). but there's no harm in having too many options, right? nweyz, it's good enough to have lots of fall backs in case plans A, B, C or D doesn't work. there's always plan E.

when my boss gave me the print of my EP renewal (hmm..that was a quick one there boss!), it seems a chunk has been lifted off my shoulder. plan B wouldn't be much of a burden in case plan A fails. good luck to moi!

keeping mum

have you gotten to the point that even you find yourself too annoying? (how much more would others feel?)

i think i have. i'm easily irked up by me the past days that all i want to do is just be quiet. stay quiet. maybe i have been too loud lately after all the partying fuss. maybe, there's just too much that i am preoccupied about - how long will i bask myself with this emotional torture? will i ever get to buy that one way ticket to never never land? for once, i do not want to be pressured to have to find answers to these. i just want to stop all my thoughts as they are screaming inside my head. am i about to cross the thin line to insanity? bummer. i simply want to stay put. be still.

it's just two days before the NaBloPoMo challenge ends and i have to feel this way! dammit. i missed a few days of blogging coz of this i-want-to-detach-myself-from-the-world mood.

pastilan, piskot

i am not staying up because i'm trying to blog, or do my usual late night muni-muni under the kitchen bulbs as i try to solve my ever elusive, emote2x on cupid's chokehold. but on every pause, every breath .. all i can say is... pastilan, piskot. not that i do really swear. but is this swearing?

i do not want to blog about this freaking work, and yet here it is the nth entry in a row and i can't freaking help myself. i am up at this time, drowning myself with caffeine, because i promised my boss that i am finishing this freaking technical design document where i do not know what to freaking write... how i wish i knew what i was committing into. on another note, i'm exactly doing that - i know what i am n-o-t committing into. why not, choknut? pastilan, piskot, relate lagi dayon! note to self: not everything is all about the heart (and i can hear felvi's devilish laugh in the background).. arrrgghh!

to relax my stressed, caffeine-filled brain, i tried to surf around and watched trailers in youtube of the now most talked about tagalog movie "one more chance". i had high hopes that the trailer would leave me with a tear drop refusing to fall as i try to choke on a sob. drama. pastilan, piskot, can not relate. can not. this is not my story. i should start working on a screenplay of my story. my friends say it is interesting. so there, those were the days. nyahahaha.

i then resorted to blog-hopping and opened up a youtube clip embedded on one site that was supposed to be a link to a feel good song. then i heard the piano slowly playing to the familiar song, then the words started to flow, "i've been living with a shadow overhead"... pastilan, piskot.. unsa mani oi? this is the last song i wanted to hear! i am so over that song. but that doesn't mean i've stopped being a hugh grant fan. i still am. but not that song. not anymore.

hahay.. pastilan, piskot... gi-atot.

this is definitely not one of those good nights.. or good days.. or good early morns. but tomorrow's weekend already. looking at the brighter side, i'm still counting my blessings.

pastilan, piskot, gi-atot. anyone knows the direct translations to these?

the aftermath

incident 1

phone rings ..

me: hello?
vc: hi lizette, how was your coffee spill accident?
me: oh, it was bad.. i'm sorry i missed your call
vc: it's okay, so i guess you survived it.
me: oh yeah, i did *roll eyes*
vc: okay, good

incident 2

phone rings ..

me: hello?
pm: hi lizette, this is *boss's name*
me: oh hi *boss's name*
pm: hope you didn't spill any coffee this time
me: (keeping my cool) .. no sir, the coast is clear

now i'll be remembered as the girl who spills the coffee, and the girl who stained the carpet..

afternoon coffee scare

spilled my cup of coffee all over my desk today. it almost reached my laptop and my office phone. but good thing i was still able to get to them before my coffee did. whew!

you see, i've been interrupted several times at work because my project manager had a very great idea to have me as the only senior working on my current project. the rest have been moved to other projects. (and did i say i didn't want to blog about work??).. since that arrangement started, questions have been flying around since monday on things i don't even have an idea about. but i do get lucky sometimes for i am able to answer some of their queries, so they think i do know a lot, when i don't really. i just got lucky. but enough of that, as i said, i was continually interrupted the whole day that it's difficult to have my full concentration on my task.

so in between the interruptions, i'm sort of just scattily glancing at my notebook. my mind kept wandering on where i left off before i got interrupted. then i heard a beeping sound, like a phone ringing. but it's not my cellphone. the ring was so familiar, and it was getting louder and louder, but i could not get where it was from. so, i looked around to check if someone left his cellphone on my table. but i only saw my phone. that was when i noticed the blinking light on my desk phone. it was my desk phone! i then hurriedly picked up the receiver as i got jumpy from all the ringing, and i haven't even had my cup of coffee yet. however, before i even got hold of the handset, i knocked my cup that i just filled some coffee in it, and now it's running all over my desk.

waaah.. i can see coffee everywhere, and i can smell coffee everywhere!! a good soul in the form of an officemate rushed to help me over my accident, and that was why i was able to rescue my laptop or coffee will be totally banned from the office because of me. or worse, i'll be totally banned from having a cup of coffee because of my silly spilling accident. that would be totally unimaginable!

oh well, i might have survived my coffee scare this afternoon, but i'm still a bit shaken over the incident. i lost my appetite for my coffee. :(

party-planner

i must admit there's a sociable side in me. it only goes out when i am with very very comfortable people. last weekend, i was planning a party for former colleagues just for the reason that we could get together. this saturday, i am planning another party for my two housemates. it's going to be a bridal shower this time.

it's not easy to plan a party. you have to plan for the food and drinks. you have to make sure if someone would actually show up, that includes calling people one by one. you have to make sure that everyone's going to have fun as well, and will enjoy the food that you prepared.

a simple get-together is quite okay cause the only highlight would be the food. but for a bridal shower, there's the invites, the games, the surprises, the food, the drinks and the male-stripper.. hehehehe kidding! i would have wanted to hire my dear friend punyal who's a professional pole dancer. you see, every chance i get to hold that pole in the train, i always get reminded of him.. hehehe i've never seen him dance though, but he said he's quite good (peace punyal!!). however, he said he's already retired. he's busy studying his masters in computer science (not pole dancing) right now. so i'm skipping the male stripper part unless someone else wants to volunteer. anyone??

well, i'm not really complaining about having to prepare a party. in fact, i'm enjoying it very much. i'm now a full-time party planner, and part-time software engineer. how cool is that? :D

when policies change and i have to change

i promised not to blog about work, but i can't help rant about a work policy that changed today. and i'm affected directly by it. seriously! it's still monday. what a way to start the week. :(

our office manager sent an email that work hours have changed. we have to come 30 minutes earlier now. i know that's not much difference. but if you only know how much struggle it is for me to wake up early in the morning. i so want to complain, but i can not defend my nocturnal self. i'm always the last person to arrive at work.. oops! (i hope my boss would never read this).. but i make sure i come in seconds before the designated time in, so i'm not still late. just a buzzerbeater! :p okay.. it's a bad habit! :x

well, i can't really help it, i usually sleep at 2 am on the average. we all know that we are required to sleep 8 hrs a day, and i could barely complete that! you see, i am only looking out for my well-being by trying to get the average sleep that our body needs.

*roll eyes*

okay, i know i'm just to blame for my late nights. but i can't help it too if i am wide awayke at 12 midnight. well, unless i am really really exhausted the whole day or i haven't slept for 48 hrs, then i'd surely drop dead in my bed by then.

so what's the real challenge? how to change ones body clock? how to change a night owl be a morning person?

is it ever too late to change? .. to change our office policy back perhaps?

when i wish on the stars

some people are just lucky to have the right things, and the right people fall into their lap without them having to work so hard for it. like all they have to do is give their sweetest smile to the stars and the whole universe would conspire to give their heart's desire.

i often find myself secretly wishing for that kind of life where everything would just perfectly fall into the right places at the right time as i planned them to be. that would surely save me from worrying too much for all those things that had gone awry.

but on another note, that would also fade out the luster caused by life's sweet surprises. there is thrill when things do not go as planned for it is an opportunity for us to work on our own creativity on how to survive each one of them.

so i guess i am getting back what i said. i would stop secretly wishing for things to fall right into place. but could i still keep wishing for the right person to fall into my lap? :)

ex-NCR party

i just hosted a small dinner for all my former colleagues from NCR who have moved here in singapore. two years ago, it was just my room mate and me. now, there's almost twenty of us and i bet there would be more to come next year. though not everybody really showed up at the party, more than half did and that was more than enough guests to keep the party alive :) it is always fun to catch up with old friends and reminisce on the fond memories we had during the "golden" days of NCR. :D

the whole get-together was a success. i think it was the first time where we had more than twenty guests for dinner as it wasn't an inclusive NCR gathering. some colleagues brought friends and family with them, so it was a fun bunch.

it was a potluck dinner, so everyone brought in their share of food and drinks. i even invited a friend to cook his famous "humba" for us. it became an instant favorite :) i'm so grateful for friends who cook well and is kind enough to share that talent :D i think that was the first party i hosted at home where i didn't have to cook a single dish. :)

now, i'm really exhausted. it's fun to play host. but i better sleep, as there's another party to plan next week. :)

beowulf

if this movie wasn't animated, would the fight scene between beowulf and grendel be as exciting? well, beowulf, depicted here as the ultimately sexy hero that blows away any spartan, stripped off, totally butt-naked as he fought the monster, grendel. i can't help but think the scene as really absurd, but it surely had me hold my breath all through out. :D

that aside, it was a fun and very entertaining flick. all the scenes and actors were richly detailed that you might think that animation is now the way to go for all adventure movies.

supernatural

a friend and i was casually catching up through skype when all of a sudden he diverted from our conversation and threw me questions out of nowhere. he suddenly asked about the weirdest things.

he was asking me if i had some shiny, curvy object in my cabinet at home which is not an earring. he insisted it has to be something that i didn't previously own, or was just given to me by someone. of course i could not remember every single item in my cabinet, and it was difficult to give him the thing that he is looking for. then i asked why was he asking for such thing. he then told me that he's been seeing this small creature, which he can only figure out by its shadow, and is currently looking for something in my cabinet. he even added the creature looks funny, peeking into my cabinet since he's quite small. that was when i told my friend he is not being funny anymore, and that he is slowly scaring me. i don't believe in the supernatural, but i don't want to talk about them either. he said he was not trying to scare me either, he was just telling me what he felt right at the moment. how weird is that?

oh, and did i mention that friend has never been to singapore? so he doesn't even know what my apartment looks like. he's currently in another timezone right now. so i told him to just sleep as it's already late in his time. maybe he's developing a fourth eye or whatever. but i just insisted that we dismiss whatever he was sensing at that moment.

now, i am really curious what could be the shiny, curvy, metallic thing lying in my cabinet.

congress blast

just a few weeks ago, it was the glorietta blast. now, the house of representatives has been hit, killing one congressman, and two others. the former may be speculated as an accident. still, news like this, catching international attention, adds another stain to our country.

i heard about the news from the bus's tv on my way home last night. no matter how much i do not want to care about the kind of government that our country has, i could not ignore the twinge of sadness. at the same time, there is also a sense of anxiousness on what could be the adverse effect over this incident.

we know our government has been limping for a long time. how else can it stand if it continually gets wobbly knees?

cleaned out

i promised myself to sleep early tonite so that i could wake up early tomorrow, so that i won't be late for work anymore. however, it's past midnight, and i am still wide awake, blogging. obviously.

well, i found myself cleaning up some mess in our storage room as there was just too many boxes that it was getting difficult to get through. it's a surprise how clutter could easily pile up in a few months, and just a night to clean it all up.

if only it is that easy to clean up the clutter that we pile up in our lives after years of making the wrong decisions. *sigh*. it is a struggle and a really really slow process to straighten the mess that have piled up after screwing up several times. not to mention, it also takes a whole lot of will-power to even start.

but then, once you start, all else will easily follow. just takes patience, be the optimist that we should be. ne?

stardusts

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

-Yvaine, from the movie "Stardust"

*sigh*... these lines have made me a sentimental twit .. *slaps both cheeks thrice*

for the love of theater

i was watching some musical theater clips in youtube, and i found myself once again mesmerized by the music, the dance.. and all the beauty of theater that i lost track of time and it's past midnight now and i should be sleeping already... BUT, i love theater. i love musicals. sometimes i dream that my life is one, and those moments where we wished would drag on for eternity, i would imagine it with the perfect background music (and me singing, and people around and dancing, and ... i could go on).

then, i recalled the most memorable, er.. embarrassing job interview i had in my dream company which i blew, all for the love of theater:


manager: so, what is your dream job?
moi: hmm... (think hard, think double hard) .. well, i really wanted to be in a theater.

i swear there was a brief pause of disbelief from the interviewer.

manager: theater??

then she ranted more, and everything else was history.

this is one of the moments where you wish you just had been eaten alive. that's why that company is still my dream company up to now.

getting christmas-y

christmas is indeed getting nearer and nearer. i just can't help but be extra excited this time for the coming yuletide season as i'll be able to finally spend it with the entire family. yey! finally, i could see streets filled with lanterns, i could hear christmas songs played everywhere i go and people from everywhere in town would be singing christmas carols at home! not to mention, there'd be noche buena.. and a tree filled with gifts, gifts.. and gifts. obviously, christmas season is definitely my favorite time of the year.:D


though i haven't played some christmas carols yet here at the apartment for the added "christmas-y" feel, i have already busied myself by bringing out the christmas decors from last year, set up our teeny-weeny christmas tree (about 15 inches) at the center table in the living area. i have also bought new decors for the tv stand, and i think i need to buy a few more to add more of the yuletide feel in it. i want it to be "pasko na pasko" here just like how we do it back home. it makes me smile to see that there's already a hint of the yuletide season in our almost bare flat as early as now :)

surely, i can't wait for christmas to come.

"pasko, pasko, pasko na naman muli" *playing at the back of my head* ....

"pasko na .. sinta ko..." .. ahihihi.. that's all i want for christmas! hahaha :D

feel good songs

there are times where i wish i could drown myself with feel good songs. the kind where you don't need to be in love to fall in love. like it is the most natural thing to do when you listen to these kind of music.

currently, i'm listening to jason mraz's 'i'm yours'. and yes, there were moments where i really wanted to just surrender sweetly, without hesitation and say, 'baby, i'm yours'. but of course, reason got ahead of me. now is not the time to go collecting stardusts. it is best that i leave these hopes to the wind.

so for the meantime, i'll just put this song on eternal repeat in my ipod.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

-I'm Yours, Jason Mraz

since life can have its alphabets

since i've been tagged by dee, and i'm not sleepy yet.. let me get on with my life's ABC.

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random habits/facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

Seven facts about me: a nocturnal, coffee addict, worrywart, wanderer, dreamer, stands 157cm (and never getting taller), weighs 50 kgs (and going down.. i hope), bubbly, forgetful ..(i'm supposed to write only seven)

A - Age: 28
B - Band Listening To Right Now: i'm listening to FM music..
C - Career: Software Engineer .. but in search for something else
D - Drink or Smoke: margarita, don't smoke
E - Easiest Friends To Talk To: nats, ri, janeth, mats, felvi, josh
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: gummy bears!
H - Have a Boyfriend : Soon! (wehehe optimistic!!)
I - In love: with love..definitely!
J- Junk Food You Like: Dorritos Nachos
K - Kids: i'd luv a bunchful of 'em
L - Longest Ride Ever: Seattle - Taipei flight..abt 17 hrs, didn't sleep the whole time
N - Names For Your Future Kids: it depends.. i'd like to name my kids after something/someone significant on their day of birth
O - One Wish You Have Now: to finally find what i'm looking for ..
P - Phobias: to be trapped, snakes
Q - Favorite Quote: Patience is virtue
R - Reasons To Smile: countless, pouring blessings
S - Sleeping Time: 2 am
T - Time You Woke Up: 9:00am
U - Unknown Fact About You: i'm really shy
V - Vegetable You Hate: cabbage
W - Worst Habit: procrastination, tardiness
X - X-rays You’ve Had: chest, back, sinus
Y - Yummy Foods: all yummy food :D
Z - Zodiac Sign: Pisces

i'd like to tag all my friends in my blogroll, who haven't been tagged yet... :)

a busy holiday

there's so much that i want to blog about, but it's almost midnight and i'm beating my deadline for my blog entry for today for the blogging challenge. so, just let me rant about my day.

you see, it's my first busy holiday in my almost two years here in singapore where i didn't have any out of town trips. i usually just spend a very lazy day at home doing nothing. but not anymore.

my friend jan and i hit the movida club at st. james (once again) last night after our therapy yoga class. it was an out of the blue thing, and we were hungry for not having any dinner yet. so we decided to enjoy some groovy latin beat over dinner. however, we were enjoying the music too much that we ended up going home at four a.m. in the morning... oops!

i already woke up at around noon and had a quick brunch with my housemates. afterwhich, i headed back to the gymn for another yoga session. i'm really luvin yoga now. i'm looking forward to every session that i can fit in my schedule. the class today was a bit, err.. tough. there were just three of us, and one girl was really really good at the postures already. our teacher was giving us quite tough positions and she can really get them while i struggled so hard between wobbly knees and elbows. but it's okay, considering it's still my fourth or fifth class :) i even had my first try on headstand positions.. but of course, my teacher was standing beside me so that i won't break my neck! i still even find shoulderstand positions quite tough, but really relaxing.

after yoga class, i met up with my cousin and showed her how to get to china town by train. she is still quite new in singapore so she's not quite confident on how to get around by herself. we didn't get around chinatown much though cuz a friend invited us for dinner and his place is in the land far, far away.. in YewTee. waaah! you see, i live in the east side of singapore and i am so so lazy to even visit my dear friend jan who lives in the west side. any town in singapore's west side is a land far far away for me. :D it's like almost an hour train ride from our place. however, the travel was all worth it as we had a very very delicious dinner.. buti nalang! wehehehe. burp. (excuse me).

my cousin and i got home already at almost ten, and my body's all sore. however, my mind's still quite awake.. so i'd probably be staying up late again.. (oh, i forgot, i just had a cup of coffee) .. it's work day tomorrow, i just hope i won't be late for work :D


okay, happy deepavali everyone! (that's the holiday we're supposed to be celebrating right now)

for vanity's sake

ri wrote about this beauty medicine that is becoming very popular in japan, which according to her "promises to clear the skin from within". (check her blog here) as i am not blessed with really flawless, porcelain-like skin, ri's post really got my interest. though my end goal is not to become a porcelain doll, i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a radiant, glowing skin na parang porcelain narin :D .. okay, i'm lowering my standard. let me rephrase what i said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a radiant, glowing skin.. na parang artista! wehehehe.

so, in one of my boring moments in the office, i googled for a similar product that could be found in singapore. lo and behold, i read in a forum that a japanese product which has about the same contents from the product mentioned by ri, can be found in the local drugstores here in singapore! yahoo! and since i trust the recommendations of my friends (ri and idel are using it), i know i'm gonna give this thing a try.

i then rushed to a local drugstore here (it's available in watsons and unity) and browsed through the aisles where the vitamins are, to search for the beauty medicine. the truth is, i forgot the name of the product mentioned on the forum. was it hakubi? or habuki? basta may vitamin c and L-cysteine content, yun na yun. so i scrutinized the ingredients on the different bottles on the aisle that shows vitamin C in a bigger label. it took me a while to locate the product as i was too shy to ask the clerks for help. i'm afraid they might recommend me a very expensive miracle cream that they might think is more convincing to work better on me than the product that i'm looking for. hmmph! (i won't be budged, i'm still sticking with my friends' recommendation.) when i was about to give up, i found in one corner - Hakubi White C. this is it! i checked the contents and read: L-cysteine, vitamin b6, ascorbic acid, and calcium. this is it nga! it's what i am looking for :D

you see, this product is also well-recommended from the forum where i've read about it. i am not sure what its outcome will be on me though as the forums say the result varies on the type of genes you have. i guess we'll find out in a month as soon as i get my radiant and glowing skin.. nyehehehehhee. if there are no visible results after a month, let's wait for another month or two (or three), baka it's really in my genes na mahirap magclear easily ang skin ko. pagwala parin visible results in three or five months, don't worry, i'm not loosing my hope yet, i'll still update you, kahit aabot pa ng one year or one decade (huwag naman century), until na achieve ko na ang radiant, glowing skin na yan.

ewan ko nga ba.. basta, this is simply for vanity's sake. :D

another cooking disaster

ever since i came here in singapore, i have managed to develop some culinary skills so that i would have other better things to eat aside from the local dishes without having to spend too much cash. since i have always loved italian dishes, i have tried cooking different kinds of pastas from cream sauce to marinara sauce with the white wine, of course. i love gourmet food, so if i could chance upon a non-bake and easy to cook gourmet dish, i would always give the dish a shot in my spare time.

however, there's one dish that i always effortlessly fail each time i attempt to cook it. no matter how simple it is, disaster is always the end result. that dish is no other than - pritong isda (fried fish). you might be rolling your eyes with disbelief, but seriously, i can't cook this dish.

my first attempt to cook pritong isda here in singapore was more than a year ago and what happened was i almost got our apartment burned... good thing it was just the range hood that got all damaged. i blogged about it in trembling hands because of the very traumatic experience. but that was more than a year ago, so i thought i must have learned a bit on how to do this very simple dish after a very successful pinakbet (filipino vegetable stew) over the weekend. yes, i know how to cook pinakbet now...and all my other pasta dishes have been quite a success (not to brag, but my housemates all love them, so i take their word.. hehehe they are my only fans :p ).. but i could just not get my pritong isda perfect!! .. ugh! how frustrating can that be?

wondering how i did it? well, i think i got the procedure correctly:

1) soak the fish in salt and pepper

2) put 5 tablespoons of butter on a heated pan (i had 3 pieces of sliced fish, so that would be enough and i didn't use the normal cooking vegetable oil since i want my fish to have more taste)
3) check fire to be very low to avoid burning your kitchen
4) once the butter melts, put in the fish slices slowly and cover
5) check on the fish gradually to see if the part that's dipped in the melted butter gets a bit brown before turning the fish updside down

see, it is pretty simple. i did all the steps above, but i was a bit impatient on the last procedure. it's past midnight already, and i still have work tomorrow...so i kinda rushed things. (you might be wondering what i am doing cooking fish at this time. i'm done with dinner, and i bought this really fresh fish last saturday, and i do not have other time to cook it. if i postpone it more, i would end up a not so fresh fish anymore on my plate. fish meat gets easily spoilt, and it won't taste as good.)

nweyz, back to my fish, i was a bit impatient and turned it upside down a tad bit earlier. well, the butter is all brown already so i guess it was okay. what happened though is i got all the fish meat broken into pieces, or how should it be described? shattered? scattered? shredded? whatever... my fish slices looked more like fish shreds now and i can't turn them upside down anymore. :( instead of a golden brown fried fish, i ended up with burnt fish shreds.. taking a picture of it would make things more heartbreaking, so i decided against it.

i give up. i can't do pritong isda.

p.s. hmmm.. on second thought, i should be thankful i didn't get anything in the kitchen burnt. that's quite a progress then.. so, it could be that i fried the wrong kind of fish. i mean, maybe that kind of fish was not meant for frying.. maybe that fish could have been saved if i had cooked it as tinola, or sinigang... or some other dishes.. i should never loose hope.. maybe i'll fair better on this dish next year with the right kind of fish. :D

good news for mondays

all my petty worries just dissolved into thin air when i got some great news that my teacher, mentor and friend from university gave birth to a very healthy baby girl. you see, mrs. cherry lyn sta. romana, or miss (as we never thought of calling her differently even after she got married), is one of the very few people that i really look up to and admire up to now. she made graduating computer science back then as challenging as she can for all of us, so that we won't give up on it.

Maria Mikaela Sta. Romana

welcome to the world, baby tantin .. i'm sure you will grow up as passionate as your mom in whatever you want to be :) congratulations too to the proud parents.

reminds me, i truly am in need to get rubbed by her passion for computer science once again as i am loosing my reasons why i am at this field of work.. it is always a fond memory to remember how passionate she gets once she talks about automata, computability, and leap-frogging algorithms, to name a few. her excitement was just too catchy, it was difficult to miss it. :)

weekend nights

i didn't intend to miss blogging for two days. but there are weekend nights, and what's a single girl got to do?

met with friends for dinner at 8pm on a friday night, went clubbing from 9pm til the wee hours. reached home at around 4am already. spent the most part saturday morning sleeping. missed yoga classes, too tired to wake up. missed the sfc's prayer assembly, must head to the gym for pilates class at 2pm, and de-stress in the sauna for at least an hour. went home at 5pm and had grocery shopping. cooked dinner for friends. went for a late night movie at 9pm, stayed out again for the second consecutive night, went home at still another unholy hour (forgot to check the time). slept at 6 am already. after such a busy saturday, all what's left for me to do on sunday is catch up on the much needed sleep.

this is the part where you enjoy being single. there's too much freedom in it.

up and down and around and about

it is still the second day of the NaBloPoMo challenge, and i am already out of topic on what to blog about. but since i am still taking the challenge, i have to write something. so, this entry will purely consist of nonsense rants, but then, most of my blogs are also so filled of that, so what's new?

i do not want to blog about how dull my work day is today because i do not want to talk about my geeky, nerdy job. i do not want to blog about the weather too, and write how the clouds got so dark outside, while lightning strikes from time to time. i remembered being so afraid of thunders and lightning when i was little. and, i also remembered lightning-watching with my very first best guy friend some six years ago. i think he was trying to brew a romantic setup as we were up on a hill one night, looking over the city lights and just plainly watching lightning striking over the far city and we talked about anything under the stars. so sweet. however, no romantic sparks ever flew between us, so we remained very very good friends for a long time, until he got married and is now very busy being a husband and a father that i could totally not relate to him anymore.

sigh. the perils of singlehood. once your dear friends starts to get married one by one, you couldn't help but be really alarmed and think how come you are not even in a decent relationship. then you try to look back how come you've given up on the decent guys that came along simply because you can't settle. of course, i can't simply just settle. and by that thought you get more alarmed because wedding bells may not ring for you. but i'm brushing that thought away. *breathe in, breathe out, relax* .. i still have shower parties to plan.

my body still sores from the yoga class the other day, and i'm taking muscle relaxants already. plus, i think i am about to catch colds because of late nights, trying to put sense into my recent actions. really, thinking too much just simply doesn't help any of our problems because we also need to act on them. and i'm only good at the "thinking too much" part.

"the world is round, it has no point", as a saying goes. well, the world and my life seems to have something in common. good thing, i'm not suicidal... and i'm busy contradicting that.

it will have a point. i know!

forget your mind and body - complete

i just had my first yoga session today. it was therapy yoga, so the instructor was trying to explain the benefits of each position that we're doing to our vital organs and the whole body. stretch your arms, face up, raise your leg, hold your breath, etc, etc. really, i could just not remember all the instructions as i was busy trying to be as flexible as i can be (which is really not an easy thing), while holding my balance, and remembering to breath.

i am a beginner at this yoga thing, and i think i'm going to be looking forward to the next session as i am feeling the benefits of it even after the first class. i am currently sitting in a good posture right now, as slouching will hurt my back after all the back-stretching that we did. sitting on cross legs isn't so comfortable anymore as the veins at the back of my knees still hurt. i was in pain during the whole class, but i think it was a good kind of pain. well, i don't know how else to explain it really. so i just suggest you try it too. it definitely relaxes all those stiff muscles after long hours of inactivity at the work place.

hmm..i'm definitely looking forward to my next class this saturday. who knows, by the end of the month.. pwede nako mo-split! yatta!!! :D

oh yeah, before i forget. about the title, that is one of the phrases our teacher kept repeating during the relaxation part. "forget your mind, body - complete". it was a bit disturbing since i could not help think how on earth is that possible. he wasn't being literal, was he? and i was just being too serious about it. duh!