my little drama

there were several times that i have been so tempted to just delete this blog for many reasons. it's been four years that i have been ranting my heart out, and sometimes, disclosure wears you out too.
but it's just one of those habits that is difficult to kick out of you. it's a feeble attempt to keep my thoughts organized...they really have this tendency to get wild, y'know.

but then, i've been mum the past months. not only was i preoccupied with my ever-challenging work, but my life's little drama was quite difficult to keep up. i do not want to get into a teleserye mode, but i had to say that in those short months, i had to deal with loosing love, loosing a friend, and almost loosing myself.

i do get tired picking myself up each time i mess up. and yes, i had (emphasis on the past tense) entangled myself with another kind of mess. this time, it was the not-in-my-life-time-i-can-imagine kind. i had my friends' literally pop their eyes out in disbelief when i spilled the news. this explains the recent chronic restlessness - i was simply panicking for the nearest fire exit.

one of the realizations that hit me though is that .. am i not too old to keep running away? haven't i had been through enough hard times that i have not learned to face my problems, head on? why do i always see my life as something that's difficult to live? a friend asked, why do i invite misery in? the only answer i could think of at that instant was.. because i love basking in the pain? (i had to mentally give myself a big slap on the face to make me realize what i had just said)

seriously, i should have realized by now that i am all geared up to fight my weaknesses.

i have:
* my heart (the one who is always putting me in to trouble can also be a good weapon)
* my head (yes, i realize that logic has to be a part in these kinds of troubles)
and
* my faith (it's time i admit i'm no superwoman, i can't do this on my own. besides, my heart and head is nothing without my God)

... and of course, i have an army behind me, and they are my friends who patiently listened to my rants and rambles and whines and all other synonymous words you can think of. the more i get into trouble, the more i realize who my true friends are ... they are always the ones who are ready to share a bit of their strengths to keep my head up.. so, i'm shouting my thanks to all of you.

now, i need time to heal and forgive myself and i do not have to go anywhere this weekend to do that. besides, i have saved the next two weekends for two out-of-country trips already, so i do not mind staying put this time :D (OA na pag three consecutive weekends nako maglaag :X) ..

so what do i have to do to keep myself occupied tomorrow? the options are open to shopping, shopping and more shopping :D ... kidding! seriously, i do not mind if there's no specific plans. i do not have to be restless anymore. what matters is the peace that i am inviting in :)

i still do deserve to bask in sunshine, right?

(thank you Lord, i can't believe the number of second chances you are giving me)