an angel brought me here

i know i have been really whiny and disappointed about many things when the year started. then there comes these crossroads that i just overlooked and consider them as hindrances instead of seeing them as opportunities. i was creating problems when all that ever came pouring are actually blessings. all i needed was to be really pushed to the edge to realize that. and i am thankful to have met someone who did just that. i bet i would still have been burying my head under the pillows up to now if he wasnt around. now, i can't stop smiling cuz there are indeed lots to be thankful for.

don't get me wrong. i haven't shouted eureka yet! i still don't know the answers to my questions. i still do not know what i really want in this life. i still have no idea how to save the world. but i just feel i am getting there. (hehehe feeling lang pala :p)

but what's really important that i learned today.. sometimes, we don't really need wings, cuz we got angels to show us how to fly. :)

work hard, party harder

i think this somehow is true. one reason that life's been busy aside from whining, is that i've been really spending too much work at work (duh!).. seriously! since i arrived here in january, i have been rendering too many overtime work, without pay of course, because the tasks just wouldn't stop pouring!

the only reason that i get to leave the office early, is because i have a scheduled night out with friends :D but i am not complaining :) i don't often go to clark quay right after my friends and i discovered movida at the powerstation. but this month, i found myself hitting the area every weekend.

last saturday was an ala united nations gimik. i was with my spanish friend, his french colleague, and the vietnamese roommie. then later, a brit and two africans joined us who were acquaintances of the guys that i was with. they partied like they knew each other for a long time and not only the week before that. :D we started with a bottle of wine before dinner, a caipirinha after it, and a few bottles of vodka with tons of dancing later. :)

wla lang.. lingaw lang ko sa ako ka-kiat these days. :D

back at the crossroads

i know all of us have some dreams that vary from simple to the out-of-this-world kind. then we also have our short term goals and long term goals that should somehow be paved in a way that it will lead us to achieving our dreams. then we think of how long will it take us to get these dreams to reality? what sacrifices we have to make? or, should we just wait for all else to fall down in our laps like it is simply just meant to be?

each time i get to a crossroad in my life, where i have to choose to jump the big leap, or take on the less risky route, i always end up with the eternal question : what on earth is my long term goal? which of these options will lead me there? if all options do coincide with my goals, how should i choose then? on another note, how do i see myself eon of years from now, in case i do get to live as old as moses did? okay, seriously, what do i really want from this life?

this, by far, is the most difficult thing for me to answer. i want to live a simple life, therefore, i am meant to have simple goals - the feasible, and achievable kind. now, the question is... why am i not even getting there? but then, that leads me back to my first problem.. am i sure i know where exactly is "there" in the first place?

but really, if i try to look deeply into this, all i can see is that the universe is just so big from where i'm sitting! it is difficult to pick a good place for ... my next pit stop.

not getting anywhere

i would have wanted to say that the reason for my blogless days would be that I was too busy learning how to fly this january. you see, i had so much hopes for this year, and if i were to choose i'd be packing my bags already and be off to my next destination.

however, i am far from that. i often find myself burried with work because it is the easiest escape i can find. it seems all else in life that i think should matter have remained elusive. then things got blurry that i could not even start pointing out what else really matter now.

i have to start finding the courage to speak what my heart so desires before i can say i have actually done something. instead i still get cold feet and choose to waste my dreams on my pillows at night. then i get to bitch about my insecurities by day. some tough act i got.

i'll never get anywhere if i continue to be like this. january is about to end and i have not even started picking up my wings. i guess i might as well forget about love ever finding me.

this year

it is almost mid january and i still do not know how to wrap up how my christmas vacation went. i have been travelling most of the time that it was getting difficult to catch up with my own pace. i do need to really slow down. now that i am back here in singapore, i think i can do that for a while.

i welcomed the year with a bit of sadness and excitement as i tried to drown myself with a bottle of wine listening to the stories of my older brothers and sisters. i was trying to be attentive, but the wine tasted better. the priest's homily on the new year eve mass that we attended earlier was still ringing in my ears.... "peace has become something that is elusive". wherever we look, that is the reality right now. even in a smaller scale, that is the reality i am facing.

earlier last december, i was awaiting for this year with much gusto. like something inevitable, something i've been wanting for so long has finally come. then i realize i do not even know what it is that i am waiting for. if it is what i think it is, am i even ready for it? i may have made plans last year, and i think i am even nearing my goals now. however, i can not deny that there's still so much uncertainty ahead and it gets scary if i try to dig deeper.

i do not want to put so much negativity and paranoia in me, as i have had enough of that when the year started.

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece
This year, I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year, this year

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh...

This year, I'll reach the pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People will ask where she get that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh, oh, oh...

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year
This year
This year

-"This Year",Chantal Kreviazuk