so stressed-out

sometimes i wonder why i'm taking on a non-c++ job. i thought it would be way easier and less stressful. but i was wrong of course. it has nothing to do with the programming language. all technical jobs are really stressful. well, with deadlines to beat, who wouldn't be?

let me rephrase then. sometimes i wonder why i'm doing this kind of job. i've been asking myself these questions for ages already, but still i can't leave it. why can't i just pick up my bag and say, "i'm done with all these tech stuffs and i'm leaving it for good!" but what would i be doing?

some people say, this is what i'm born to do and i'm doing a pretty good job at it, so why fret! but i'm sure they are pretty wrong about that. it's a misconception about me. plus, i don't want to simply just do a pretty good job at something, i want to be doing something that's at least ... Great! you know, the kind where you could proudly say to your grandkids, "you know what, your grand-mommy did that!". (what to do, what to do?)

i think i should start saving the world. but i'd start on the new planet earth that some scientists think exists some thousands of light years away from us. i heard it from the news yesterday. they haven't actually seen this new earth, but they've already felt its presence. read further about the story here.

but then, it will probably take gazillion years before earthlings are sent on a mission to this new planet. that means, my saving-the-new-earth mission will have to be put on hold. for the mean time, i'll continue pounding these keyboards, drain my brain, beat my deadlines and get myself stressed out. or.... i could look for a c++ job, and still get myself all stressed out.

of sandwiches and shoes

i ordered tuna wrap at subway for lunch today because i was starving, and i'm on a diet (which is really a bad combination). i usually just make my own sandwich for lunch the past days, cuz it's smaller, cheaper, and nothing gets to waste. nyweyz, despite my hunger, i still couldn't finish half of the sandwich. tsk tsk! well, blame it on the wrap. i think something was wrong with the wrap. i think it was too raw that i was like eating an uncooked dough. when i got an upset stomach right after, i was almost convinced i was eating an uncooked dough disguised as a pita wrap! how bad can that be? really! bad, bad subway! next time, i'll stick to wholemeal bread.

i didn't eat anything else by the rest of the afternoon as i always felt like vomiting everytime i attempt to put food on my mouth. so i get that my tummy hated the wrap so much that it's taking a revenge on me! by dinner time, i was already so famished that i can't anymore decide what to eat. :(

when i got home, i was grumbling from the blisters that my shoes gave me as i was taking them off. the shoes was newly bought and is supposed to be tender and kind to my feet. well, it is the most expensive sandals that i've gifted myself by far, thus the high expectations. i even closed my eyes when i handed the cashier my credit card when i paid for it. tapos magkaka-blisters lang ako???

speaking of unreasonably expensive footwear, my heart still aches for my was-then the most expensive wooden Loewe platforms which gave up after almost three years of abused use. it was the best-sandals-for-all-types-of-weather-and-parties kind, thus it was an all time favorite. well, a pair of shoes is a rare find when it can match any outfit, shorts, skirts and pants of any length alike, impeccably! not to mention, it is tender on your soles and allows you to even walk miles with it. plus, it's 3-inches high! what else can a girl ask for? now, i miss that pair badly. :(

anyways, back to my other pair, it's made of pig skin, therefore, it got to be softer to the feet (i assume). then, a thought came to my mind. "pig skin ka nga ba?", talking to the shoes. "ano kaya i-lechon ko nalang tong sapatos na to? crispy kaya labas nya?"

then i remembered, i was hungry!

so, after keeping the shoes to the box instead of contemplating on roasting it, i went straight to the kitchen and decided to have my all-time favorite toasted cheese sandwich. my stomach would never be too hungry to be picky with anything with cheese on it. however, as if fate was teasing me, my first attempt came out as an overburnt toast. there was no more trace of cheese as the sandwich just looked so black. how could i have forgotten about my toast? i was only trying to distract my hunger with other mundane tasks! i remember, my memory and my tummy conspires against each other. they were never good friends in the first place.

so just imagine me almost dying with starvation right before my second toasted cheese sandwich was done. i never left the toaster that time. i was too hungry to go anywhere anwyay.

right now, i'm still too hungry to worry about anything. but, i'll just sleep on this.

la folle

how are you?
good.
how are you?
never been better.
how are you?
oh, i'm okay.
how are you?
great! ... really!
how are you?
you don't believe me?
how are you?
fine! i'm tired.
how are you?
i'm hungry. :(
how are you?
i'm changing the world.
how are you?
seriously?
how are you?
stop it!!!!
how are you?
how the hell should i know?!?
how are you?
@#$@#$!
how are you?
err... how are you too?
how are you?
how are you?
how are you?

okay, if you try to ask yourself that question more than a dozen times and try to come up with diffrent answers each time, we'll see how far can you go without getting crazy. si je ne suis pas déjà folle, je le deviendrai bien assez vite.

on a saner note, today is just one of those days where random crazy thoughts just don't stop pouring (like my ordinary days aren't filled with much already). i'm so guilty of talking to myself often (well, who doesn't anyway?), that sometimes i'm afraid i might be talking to myself too loudly in public. at least i haven't heard anyone saying behind my back, "elle est folle!". mais puis, je ne suis pas en France. :p hearing "you crazy lah?" would be more unsurprising. :)

well, talking is a therapy. why don't you think people still pay therapists big bucks when they can talk to anybody else for free and get the same advice? but the problem with talking to someone is deciding how much of your soul can you really bare. often times, i find myself regretting when i pour out my heart with more than what's necessary to other people. it gets difficult when the time comes where we just want to protect ourselves from them. but then it's too late cuz you've made yourself vulnerable already. it's a harsh world out there, y'know.

so, what's my point here? these are but random crazy thoughts on a crazy day.

fighting temptation

i was watching today's episode on PreacherInBlueJeans, and the talk was about fighting temptations. then i got to read one of the blogs i frequent to, and as if by chance, it was talking too, about temptations.

"tukso, layuan mo ako!"

i'm staying up so late feigning concentration with my work as i struggle not to think of you. from time to time, i steal glances to your direction. nakaka-distract ka! knowing you're just a few meters away, silent in your dark corner, doesn't help me with these thoughts i'm trying to fight back. it's been a long time since i've tasted your sweet satisfaction. i still have a vivid memory of how soft and warm you can get. i can only smile thinking about the pleasures only you can give. oh how you make my mind go crazy!

but no, i'm not giving in. i'm turning a deaf ear to what my body is telling me. i'm not grabbing a furuta chocolate tonight, or any chocolate for that matter. i'm on a diet. bakit nga ba ako nakaharap sa kitchen? makes me so darn hungry!

conversations with other women

the woman: "My heart was broken."
the man: "So you married a cardiologist."

hmm.. i should be looking out for a cardiologist then.

----

these lines were from the movie, 'Conversations with other Women', (well, the third one is just my own personal thought).

i've always been a fan of heart-wrenching and romantic movies that have rich, virbose plot and still maintain to have wit and humor that charms the audience throughout its running.

if you enjoy movies like Before Sunset, then this is a must watch.

finally, twas the music of the night

two months ago, it was this....

then last night ...

... amazing, amazing, amazing (beyond words).

"Floating, falling, sweet intoxication", the Phantom has captivated me.

over you

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

-"over you", by chris daughtry

can't help but sing my heart out in this song. the lyrics says it all.

taking the backseat

i've been blog-hopping too much lately. well, this one particular blog i regularly visit, just had me thinking on his latest post about his friendster horoscope for april 1.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

Romance must take a backseat for a little while. You have other things to focus on.

i may not be a libra, but this horoscope definitely applies right now. enough about whether i should be dating friends or not. enough about the pressure everyone's rubbing on because of their wedding plans.

just enough about l-o-v-e.

i can't be swayed away from things i should focus on.

and yeah, i can hear chris daughtry singing "what about now? what about today?"

blogaholic-ness

oh, don't get me wrong on this.. i didn't get nominated for any category of the philippine blog awards, not even an invite to the event, to say the least. and it is a bit too late to do an april fool's post (i wasn't as ready like google).

i stumbled upon a post that opened a window to the world for me, blog-wise, that is. the very first philippine blog awards were given out last saturday. i wasn't there, of course. i never even heard about it until i checked on one of the blogs that i regularly visit. well, in the site, i found links to the blogsites that were nominated on the different categories (dapat lang naman may link!). i thought i was just going to read on a few blogs, as i also found others who didn't quite pick my interest. however, i fell into the chain-of-links trap, and ended up blog-hopping til the wee hours in the morning, and writing about it.

i could never pass up reading a good article, when i see one. i remember spending too much time rearranging my mother's old magazines as i tend to read an article to another before stacking them as i was ordered to. well, there's not much difference to that experience with what i'm doing right now, just replace each magazine with a blog link.

click, read, click, read, and click, read. that's all i did. mmm, too many interesting articles to pass up.

i might be drowsy when showing up for work later, and probably my cough would be getting worse. but i'm glad i bumped into the blog awards site. i think it's a really cool thing to celebrate all the pinoy bloggers out there.

so sick

i can't believe i'm down with flu once again. it's the second time this year, and it's still march! now i'm contemplating about taking the what-i-thought-was-useless flu vaccine, but that would probably cost a lot. dang, it pays a lot to be sick.