in a snapshot

sometimes when there are just too many things going on in your life, you'd like to make them freeze a moment as you do your best to create a mental picture of what's going on and you jot it down in your journal. but then time doesn't stop for you, and when you were yet trying to be in touch with reality over something that happens unexpectedly, here goes another of life's big surprise. and it takes days for you to fathom it all.

life has just been too fast for me and yet too good for the past couple of days. at first i was drowning with project deadlines, the next i was taking leave for my visa interview in manila. i was expecting for a single visa entry, yet i was given the one with "M" for annotations and my visa would expire on 2010 yet. "Wow" would be an understatement over something that unexpected. i literally sat down outside the embassy's benches, paused for a moment and tried to check if i heard the consul right. well, i guess i did since i was holding that yellow piece of paper on my hand.

the thing that overwhelmed me more at that moment was not my upcoming trip to the u.s. but the realization that i may still have more trips to come. i can actually go there anytime now. well, that would be when u would have the money of course (for that i would have to look for yet).

i went back to cebu and try to focus myself with work stuff despite the excitement building up within me. i just can't abandon work that way. However, to my biggest surprise... work abandoned me. i was just caught off guard that i would be ending my week packing all my stuffs and go home jobless. i was too confused over what happened to internalize the wrong did to me. what i felt was a mix of frustration, anger and depression.

for days i thought i've lost it all. i saw my job as the one thing that i've been proud of myself. and there it was, robbed from me by a person who just enjoyed too much the little power that he has over his subordinates. how else would i feel?

the moment the people from my team and my other friends knew about the injustice done, support and encouragement just poured in endlessly. it was then i realized there was nothing wrong with what i did. if it takes to loose once job to defend friends, and stand on with what you believe is right, then i'd do it again.

so what's left of me now is my family, my real friends and a multiple entry visa to the u.s. and of course, my pending job interview coming next week. :)

that's why despite it all, i just couldn't complain. for what i have right now matters so much more.

some dream

have you ever dreamt of yourself being old and grey?

Well, last weekend, i just had that dream. i really saw myself just that : old and grey. i could still even see the dress i wore on that dream. it was a floral long dress that usually worn by a hypie old woman in the movie and i was half sitting in the couch at a house that would be where i'd be retiring.

in the dream, a young girl was with me in the room, sitting near the couch. i could not identify this girl. could she be a grand daughter? but when she asked me a question that i was fearing most to happen. i knew she was not any grand daughter of mine.

girl : why haven't you got married?

i didn't see myself thinking long and hard for the answer to this. i simply said in the most natural way possible,

"the right one just didn't came along."

well, this dream is really overwhelming. that's why i still think about it till now.

i don't even think of myself as someone who waits for the right one. but i wait for the right love, in the right time. i do not want to let a moment pass me by.

i hope this isn't some premonition of any sort. but what if it is going to happen? well, i couldn't help feel impressed at how well i said something that scares me now. there wasn't a hint of regret. i think that matters more.