this year

it is almost mid january and i still do not know how to wrap up how my christmas vacation went. i have been travelling most of the time that it was getting difficult to catch up with my own pace. i do need to really slow down. now that i am back here in singapore, i think i can do that for a while.

i welcomed the year with a bit of sadness and excitement as i tried to drown myself with a bottle of wine listening to the stories of my older brothers and sisters. i was trying to be attentive, but the wine tasted better. the priest's homily on the new year eve mass that we attended earlier was still ringing in my ears.... "peace has become something that is elusive". wherever we look, that is the reality right now. even in a smaller scale, that is the reality i am facing.

earlier last december, i was awaiting for this year with much gusto. like something inevitable, something i've been wanting for so long has finally come. then i realize i do not even know what it is that i am waiting for. if it is what i think it is, am i even ready for it? i may have made plans last year, and i think i am even nearing my goals now. however, i can not deny that there's still so much uncertainty ahead and it gets scary if i try to dig deeper.

i do not want to put so much negativity and paranoia in me, as i have had enough of that when the year started.

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece
This year, I'll be recognized
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
This year, this year

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh...

This year, I'll reach the pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People will ask where she get that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

January, I'll learn to fly
February, love's gonna find me
March, April, May, I'll get carried away
Oh, oh, oh, oh...

This year, is gonna be incredible
This year, is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I'm gonna have fun

I'm gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year
This year
This year

-"This Year",Chantal Kreviazuk

feel good songs

there are times where i wish i could drown myself with feel good songs. the kind where you don't need to be in love to fall in love. like it is the most natural thing to do when you listen to these kind of music.

currently, i'm listening to jason mraz's 'i'm yours'. and yes, there were moments where i really wanted to just surrender sweetly, without hesitation and say, 'baby, i'm yours'. but of course, reason got ahead of me. now is not the time to go collecting stardusts. it is best that i leave these hopes to the wind.

so for the meantime, i'll just put this song on eternal repeat in my ipod.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

-I'm Yours, Jason Mraz

cozy morning musings

except for a few exceptionally energetic people, waking up in the morning is a total drag. make that double the effort when it's a monday morning. then raise that to the nth power, when it's a rainy monday morning. you get my point.

i usually turn the volume loud on my radio, listening to class 95's glenn and the flying dutchman for their morning express segment, and looking forward to the right feel good music that would kick me out of my bed. sometimes, we really need something, an outer force, to keep us going. the few exceptionally energetic people don't need things like that though, and i really, really envy them for that. *sigh helplessly*

i look forward to mornings where i won't feel that they are such a drag. when someone would wake me up, and shower me with morning kisses. i need my dreamlover to rescue me. *sigh dreamily*

well, that's the song that perked me up today. mariah carey's Dream Lover. isn't this a nice one? a morning filled with romantic hope despite the weather? on another note, maybe the weather does got something to do with all the romanticism.

I need a lover to give me
The kind of love
That will last always
I need somebody uplifting
To take me away
I want a lover who knows me
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
Through the long lonely nights
Till the dawn
Why don't you take me away

letting my hair down

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.


- corinne bailey rae - "put your records on"

this is a song that perfectly describes my general mood these days.

i've learned to compromise with myself these days. if i really do want to get away with the stress from all those decisions, decisions and decisions, i have to learn to stop taking those turns where i end up putting myself in the middle of crossroads. challenges are good. but we don't always have to invite them in.

free my soul

"Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul,
I want to get lost in your rock and roll,
And drift away"
- Drift Away, Uncle Kracker

i think this is a very feel good song. after the regrets, heartaches, and emptiness, i so long to feel good. today's rain seemed to wash away some of the sadness from the past days. (btw, anyone with an mp3 of this song.. do share, s'il vous plait.)

*sigh*.. if only we can drift away.

"je veux seulemant oublier
le soir j'etais avec toi

but how can one forget
when the stars eluded me
and the moon lost its beam
twas all a passionless night"
- A Dreary Night, 2005.08.08

i remembered feeling exactly this way about two years ago that made me write this poem.

*sigh*.. if only we can easily forget those dreary nights.

i know another chapter has closed and a new one is about to start. right now, i just want to free my soul.

over you

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

-"over you", by chris daughtry

can't help but sing my heart out in this song. the lyrics says it all.

pieces of me

this is just a song that has been playing in my head for the whole week now:

Pieces if me by Ashlee Simpson

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts
[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's a mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell

All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me..