moral of the story

the eternal lesson that i have to learn ...

"Never Leave Your Heart Alone" - Butterfly Boucher (Grey's Anatomy)

And it's open
For distraction
You found all the words you need
Well I found nothing
I just grumble
'cause I don't know what I feel

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
Never leave your heart... alone

Run for shelter
An umbrella
Fights the rain but not the wind
And I'd be silly
To start preaching
'cause I don't know which point to make!

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
In a box
Locked up
With cold cold ice
Never leave your heart
...Never leave your heart... alone

Am I frozen?
But it's summer!
Is that rain or is that me?
Yes I'm melting
Please be happy
One day soon
We might just swim

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
In a box
Locked up with cold cold ice
Never leave your heart
....Never leave your heart
.... Never leave your heart alone

a new world for me

what's with this world today
it is spinning in the opposite direction
my hands are trembling
cause i can not find my core, no
i can not find my core

what's with my world today
i am guided to the opposite direction
someone's holding my hand
and it feels like home, yes
it does feel like home

what's up with the world today
blowing kisses in all directions
butterflies in my hands
all these will just fade, indeed
all these will fade

this new world
it's not for me
you're not for me

bubbly over hearts day

ever since i've broken off the last string of attachment, i've tried to change tunes in my iPod. however, in the wee hours of the hearts day, i couldn't help but miss the old familiar tunes of colbie caillat and corinne bailey rae that i've grown to love the past months. probably because there's so much in the lyrics of their songs that hit me at the right spot these days.

the past days, i've been trying to ignore people who are just making a big fuss about the upcoming hearts day. this week, two friends have cried out to me the words i have been deaf to... 'i so want to fall in love'..

well, before you think i've gone cold or bitter about romantic love.. i do want to fall in love still... and i'm still on search for my greatest love ever.. however, i simply don't feel the need to be in love right now. let's say i've just had enough of falling in and out of love the past year, that i want to celebrate my being single this hearts day. i'm already so full of how things are going on with my life right now, how should that not be enough?

i just wonder how we got to make being single on the hearts day sound so pathetic? must be all the commercialism .. but really, come to think of it.. there's nothing desperate or pathetic about that. to recall my past celebrations of the hearts day, not a bouquet of red roses, or a box of chocolates could beat the best hearts day that i had.. where ri, nats and i, tried to roam around manila to look for a great place to have dinner.. we were two blocks away from the bombing of a bus near sm makati mrt station.. we walked down a stairway filled with candle lights, and entered a hotel lobby (was it at manila pen??), filled with couples on their romantic dates, as we were in our most bitter single selves.. (just imagine what we were going through by simply walking on that staircase) but then, we ended up enjoying the rest of the memorable night at the UP fair. you see, it's not about what you get to receive from a loved one, but how you get to spend this day that really matters...whether it be with your lovey-dovey or your best single pals.

janeth and i have celebrated the eve of hearts day, in the most impulsive way that we can think of.. we just bought what could be our most expensive buys to date.. which i would like to blog about separately.. then, we both enjoyed some great music at timbre bar, which has an exquisitely great view of the boat quay, over a bottle of wine, baked mussels, bacon wrapped prawns, and four cheese pizza. well, we weren't really hungry and we didn't get drunk at all before midnight. yeah right!

well.. we were not trying to appear desperate... a bottle of wine was just cheaper over two glasses of our favorite cocktails..so why not get a bottle of wine instead? hehehe.. besides, there were lots that we toasted on over the hearts day.. as much as i would like to remember what they were.. all i could recall are :

cheers to the men who came into our lives, who webbed colorful threads, and somehow, made some portions in our lives worth retelling :D

cheers to all the bitterness gone .. (really, they should have been down the drain a long time ago, but basking on them do serve the lessons that we have learned .. and still should learn)

cheers to the exciting year that's to come .. (we never know how this year would turn out, most specially when you're single..)

cheers to a happy life.. and how we should be luvin it. (hehehe must be the alcohol, but i did try to convince janeth that i'm just happy right now, and i can't find the words to defend it)

so.. happy hearts day everyone!

dusting off those stardusts

so, i didnt get to say what i wanted to say. i just sat there, looking back at you, wishing my eyes didn't betray how my heart felt at that instant. you smiled, then i just smiled back filling in the awkward silence. it was kinda funny actually, being there with you at that moment. we were both in a situation where we know that words would be unnecessary. some things are simply better kept unknown, they won't make much of a difference anyways. so why bother?

i don't think i am really good with goodbyes. and if that would be the last time that i will get to see you, then at least i have more happy memories to look back to. you had me swoon in your arms and made me last through the holidays without being nostalgic. you were lots of things to me despite it all. you came like the knight in shining armor. then just before you had to go, you taught me how to fight my fears. you were the angel who showed me how to fly (though i know you don't actually believe in that). it is simply sad to let you go so easily like that - a simple shrug on my shoulder and you were gone.

my mind and my heart are so full of contradictions right now. i know i have all the right to be mad. but i also have the right to be happy. i choose 'happy'. i know i will be happier that things ended the way it just did. this broken feeling that's consuming me right now is simply temporary. it will be over soon.

the next wedding of the year

mats is the second closest girl friend who got married this year. and was her wedding just perfectly lovely! (and so were we, by the way :p)

i think i just loved everything about her wedding. but she has a wedding planner, and they really did a great great job. it was a totally stress-free as someone else had to take care of all things needed. we ended having fun all through out even while we were still doing our makeup in the morning. well, with five photographers loving to take pictures of the bride and her equally willing bridesmaids model-wannabees, who wouldn't enjoy every second of it? :D oo na, mahilig kami magpapicture.. :P

the whole ceremony was very intimate and everything else went smoothly up to the reception. the food was great, i had my first taste of lechon! yey! :D .. okay, so i over ate again at the reception. but i can't help it. i haven't had lechon since i arrived in cebu! :D

the reception program was fun too. except that i didn't get the bouquet! .. but, there's always the next wedding, i'm not in a rush anyways..(nyahahaha... hindi ako bitter :p) .. well, i think i'm just catching a bug that's why i am babbling like this. it has to stop..really.

the rest of the night was filled with lots of dancing as the host hired a great show band for us to party with. the bar was also overflowing with tequila, beer, rum, whiskey and wine. i can't help but to take a few shots.. it's for the newlyweds anyways! :D cheers!

*sigh* .. so mats and jonel finally tied up after six years of being together. seeing both great friends and equally great people being as happy as they are together, what more can i say? :)

for you .. in dreams

for the sleepless nights, and the restless mornings, for the stolen glances, and the endless longing... for all the unheard whispers ... for everything, for you.

"you left me even before i met you, how could that happen? i loved you even before i knew. and now the days on the calendar fall one by one like autumn leaves, reminding me of a time that never was when i used to sleep in your embrace. it seems like eons ago, a whole other life lived from the other window.

i tried to quit you, but like a habit forming drug, you have corrupted my system until i could no longer distinguish between what's real and what's pigment of my raging illusions.

if only i could live in dreams, and never wake, but my alarm clock is too selfish, it wants to snatch my piece of heaven and let me slide back down to earth without grace, like wingless angels that have lost their faith.

they say nothing is ever lost, nothing that can't be found. and yet i know in my heart that i'll never find you, because i never lost you,

because i never really had you at all."
- poeticnook, in dreams

stardusts

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

-Yvaine, from the movie "Stardust"

*sigh*... these lines have made me a sentimental twit .. *slaps both cheeks thrice*

feel good songs

there are times where i wish i could drown myself with feel good songs. the kind where you don't need to be in love to fall in love. like it is the most natural thing to do when you listen to these kind of music.

currently, i'm listening to jason mraz's 'i'm yours'. and yes, there were moments where i really wanted to just surrender sweetly, without hesitation and say, 'baby, i'm yours'. but of course, reason got ahead of me. now is not the time to go collecting stardusts. it is best that i leave these hopes to the wind.

so for the meantime, i'll just put this song on eternal repeat in my ipod.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

-I'm Yours, Jason Mraz

a birthday gift

i've been meaning to write about how we came to be, much to our surprise (much more for our common friends). for one who had been openly advocating on not dating friends, who would have thought i'll end up with one?

early this year, i've been secretly promising to straighten out my life, and be a better person. so that when the person hand-picked by God comes, i'll be all ready for him (emotionally, spiritually, and physically :p). when one of my barkada surprisingly confessed his romantic feelings for me, i thought he was the one already. however, when i started to follow the signs that i've been seeking, even to my heart's disagreement, i knew i was heading for another set of heartaches. had i not followed the lessons from my past, i would have committed the same mistakes all over again, at my heart's expense.

good thing i was bent on making myself be a better person(though still on the progress). little did i know that i was just being lead to the right person for me. was it fate? destiny? whatever you call it. when the other person was being unavailable, you were simply there. i guess it all started in that disneyland adventure in hongkong. i thought it was only coincidence that we loved the same things while we were growing up. we both had fun remembering our favorite disney movies, and singing to the familiar tunes. :)

magic was doing its wonders just that we'd end up together. i admit i was still too caught up by my own web to see the fireworks. i was too guarded then, but each day you've made me let my guard down little by little until i managed to open my doors for you. it was only later that i realized how much of my prayers were answered. our friends might not get it. i might insist against it. but i could not deny the fact that for each day that passes by, you've become more of the person i've secretly been praying for.

sometimes i feel sorry for holding back when you deserve so much more. you see, you're not only full of sweet words, and soft melodies.. you made me realize what it is to believe in love and all its magic once again. i am glad that i've found you. you simply sweep me off my feet, just the way i imagined it to be.

i hope i'm reading the signs right this time. cuz simply, i could not ask for more :)

twas in the stars

i don't really believe in astrology. but sometimes, when what you read gets coincidental with what's currently happening in your life, it becomes a source of harmless fun.

so much has been going on lately (thus the silence in my blog-dom), that i really do not know how to start writing about it. and like as if the stars have planned it (okay, for astrology's sake), i came across the astrology section of yahoo on love and relationships for the month of may (first time i've done this), it seems that what i've been meaning to write has already been written for me. (pag inlove ba naman, i-link lahat sa stars, sa numbers, sa nature, sa weather para lang ma explain ang di ma explain.. hehehe)

Piscean's Monthly Love for May, 2007

"As the month begins on the 1st and 2nd, you are at a major turning point romantically. Are you really getting to know yourself so that you can own your own insecurities and not project them onto another person? Are you gaining a better understanding of what you need and what you can't stand in a relationship with somebody else? Are you just plain more comfortable? That sounds great. Keep working on it all month long. By the 6th and 7th, you've got a much clearer vision of what's happening, and this allows you to deal with problems much more effectively. The 11th, you have a really fantastic, absolutely romantic day. Enjoy it -- after all, you've done a lot of hard emotional work to get here. By the 15th, you're going to have the opportunity to accept the things for what they are rather than continue to imagine that they're the way you'd like them to be. Even if this is a little difficult, it's good for you. The 20th, if you want it -- or them -- go for it. By the 26th and 27th, it's time for you to really go for your desires. The 31st, you're at another turning point. Which way do you turn, sweet pea?"

well, i didn't really mind the dates cause they're most likely just picked at random. but the sequence of how things turned out was just plainly coincidental with what i was going through all month long - except of course on the part where how things will be concluded. right now, i'm very definite on which way i would turn :)