crazed worry-wart

after i decided to get things right, i was worrying like crazy about the damage brought about by my actions. my system is having grave difficulty in ignoring the fact that i have hurt someone right now. how could i simply hurt someone just like that? what has become of me?

my friends have assured me that all was done for the good of the parties involved. but that did not stop me from being worry-crazy. i could not be at ease the whole night. i felt like i was loosing my sense of purpose. before i actually do loose them i need a distraction (and that does not include calling up people that i should not be talking to, to make all this work out, else all my actions will be futile).

so i paced back and forth in the bedroom and complained to my roommate that i was close to being insane, she only complained back that my pacing is making her insane. so i stopped and continued the pacing in our living area.

i know i should stop worrying cuz there's really nothing to worry about. i did the right thing about facing my truths. i called up my friends to assure me all over again (i bet they were loosing their patience on me now).

then i had a very bright idea for a distraction for my worries! i have to move my worries to something that i will be surely excited about. so, i called up one friend and gave her an offer i was sure she would not refuse - a 4 days/ 3 nights holiday to Phuket (air tickets and accomodation only, ofcourse). i'm sooo generous when i'm fretful. unfortunately, my dear friend knows that i'm being unreasonable and she knows too well what i was up to. she knows the catch (hehehe she very well knows i can be a schemer), so she declined my offer. (sayang! that's a rare offer i gave her. nobody just passes up a free holiday like that!)

my friend was not being cooperative about distracting my worries to something else. instead, she only assured me for the nth time already, that everything is going to be alright, i did the right thing, and there's no need to fret. it was only the stubborn me that was not easily convinced.

now, it's past 2 am. i'm exhausted, and i give up. i must believe my friends that it's really going to be alright. so i rest my case, and instead of wallowing more of my worries i resort to the one thing that never fails to loose all my troubles - i danced.

of course i didn't go out of the house and hit MOS (Ministry of Sound) or Insomnia.(i haven't been to any club for ages already!) instead, i took my old salsa/cuban music compilation, drowned myself to the latin beat, swayed my hips, and imagined myself like i was dancing my heart out in the club like i used to... and blogged while i'm at it.