for you .. in dreams

for the sleepless nights, and the restless mornings, for the stolen glances, and the endless longing... for all the unheard whispers ... for everything, for you.

"you left me even before i met you, how could that happen? i loved you even before i knew. and now the days on the calendar fall one by one like autumn leaves, reminding me of a time that never was when i used to sleep in your embrace. it seems like eons ago, a whole other life lived from the other window.

i tried to quit you, but like a habit forming drug, you have corrupted my system until i could no longer distinguish between what's real and what's pigment of my raging illusions.

if only i could live in dreams, and never wake, but my alarm clock is too selfish, it wants to snatch my piece of heaven and let me slide back down to earth without grace, like wingless angels that have lost their faith.

they say nothing is ever lost, nothing that can't be found. and yet i know in my heart that i'll never find you, because i never lost you,

because i never really had you at all."
- poeticnook, in dreams

a day of lasts

it's the last day of the NaBloPoMo challenge, and i think i faired enough. i missed three days but that's not too bad, don't ya think? (yey, i did it. :D )

aside from being the last day of the month-long blogging challenge, it's also the last day of the month and it's going to be December. finally, a month to go before another year starts. a month to look back, ponder, and do a personal recollection of how much we've grown spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially, intellectually... and all other aspects that we think we should at least improve.

on a lesser serious note, it's also the last work day of the week and another weekend to enjoy. i'm torn between doing social work or feeding my vanity tomorrow. hmm... what-to-do-what-to-do. it's a tough choice.. really. *roll eyes*.

another worry, i feel the party-pooper in me is coming out. not when the festive season is just about to start! i guess my excitement came in too early this year that it died down quickly too. but i'm probably just exhausted from all the party-planning and partying the past weeks that i have this strange urge to burry myself with work this weekend. what a weird way to balance work with social life. and yeah right, if that happens! duh!

so, december.. the last month of the year.. it seems that i have been anticipating so much for your coming. and now you're finally here. *deep breath* (note to self: kaya mo yan.)

He's got plans too

nat's comment on my previous entry really got me thinking.

"if you want to make God laugh, make a plan."

actually, that's the first time i heard of such saying, but indeed it has some truth in it. it's not the first time though that i have received a comment of that sort. i guess i invite such comments when i ranted about my plans for next year and how much i am putting at stake just to stick with it.

so maybe i am very comical in God's eyes right now. i got plans! but really, i do agree that all is in His hands. i just need reminders! :D i know in my heart, He always has my best interest.

all i got to do is behave.

ep renewed

it's still three months before my employment pass expires, but my boss decided to have it renewed as early as now. according to him, we do not have to wait for the last minute for the renewal application - well, with the holidays coming, and me taking a long leave, etc etc. (?) difficult it may seem to have those reasons connected with my application, i don't want to disagree. i would have wanted to tell him to wait as there might be no need for a renewal (naks! the thought is giving me goosebumps pa. lol.), but it would be giving him some hint about my "plans". and i don't want that to happen.. yet. too soon, baka ma preempt (hwag naman Lord).

but maybe it's for the good. maybe plan B would be the way to go. what's plan A once again? i don't want to say my future's too bleak, but you see, i've made a layout for a plan A, B, C, D and E of my life next year. i even have a song to sing come january, to meet the year with gusto! :D call that uber-prepared. (er, not financially though :X). but there's no harm in having too many options, right? nweyz, it's good enough to have lots of fall backs in case plans A, B, C or D doesn't work. there's always plan E.

when my boss gave me the print of my EP renewal (hmm..that was a quick one there boss!), it seems a chunk has been lifted off my shoulder. plan B wouldn't be much of a burden in case plan A fails. good luck to moi!

keeping mum

have you gotten to the point that even you find yourself too annoying? (how much more would others feel?)

i think i have. i'm easily irked up by me the past days that all i want to do is just be quiet. stay quiet. maybe i have been too loud lately after all the partying fuss. maybe, there's just too much that i am preoccupied about - how long will i bask myself with this emotional torture? will i ever get to buy that one way ticket to never never land? for once, i do not want to be pressured to have to find answers to these. i just want to stop all my thoughts as they are screaming inside my head. am i about to cross the thin line to insanity? bummer. i simply want to stay put. be still.

it's just two days before the NaBloPoMo challenge ends and i have to feel this way! dammit. i missed a few days of blogging coz of this i-want-to-detach-myself-from-the-world mood.

pastilan, piskot

i am not staying up because i'm trying to blog, or do my usual late night muni-muni under the kitchen bulbs as i try to solve my ever elusive, emote2x on cupid's chokehold. but on every pause, every breath .. all i can say is... pastilan, piskot. not that i do really swear. but is this swearing?

i do not want to blog about this freaking work, and yet here it is the nth entry in a row and i can't freaking help myself. i am up at this time, drowning myself with caffeine, because i promised my boss that i am finishing this freaking technical design document where i do not know what to freaking write... how i wish i knew what i was committing into. on another note, i'm exactly doing that - i know what i am n-o-t committing into. why not, choknut? pastilan, piskot, relate lagi dayon! note to self: not everything is all about the heart (and i can hear felvi's devilish laugh in the background).. arrrgghh!

to relax my stressed, caffeine-filled brain, i tried to surf around and watched trailers in youtube of the now most talked about tagalog movie "one more chance". i had high hopes that the trailer would leave me with a tear drop refusing to fall as i try to choke on a sob. drama. pastilan, piskot, can not relate. can not. this is not my story. i should start working on a screenplay of my story. my friends say it is interesting. so there, those were the days. nyahahaha.

i then resorted to blog-hopping and opened up a youtube clip embedded on one site that was supposed to be a link to a feel good song. then i heard the piano slowly playing to the familiar song, then the words started to flow, "i've been living with a shadow overhead"... pastilan, piskot.. unsa mani oi? this is the last song i wanted to hear! i am so over that song. but that doesn't mean i've stopped being a hugh grant fan. i still am. but not that song. not anymore.

hahay.. pastilan, piskot... gi-atot.

this is definitely not one of those good nights.. or good days.. or good early morns. but tomorrow's weekend already. looking at the brighter side, i'm still counting my blessings.

pastilan, piskot, gi-atot. anyone knows the direct translations to these?

the aftermath

incident 1

phone rings ..

me: hello?
vc: hi lizette, how was your coffee spill accident?
me: oh, it was bad.. i'm sorry i missed your call
vc: it's okay, so i guess you survived it.
me: oh yeah, i did *roll eyes*
vc: okay, good

incident 2

phone rings ..

me: hello?
pm: hi lizette, this is *boss's name*
me: oh hi *boss's name*
pm: hope you didn't spill any coffee this time
me: (keeping my cool) .. no sir, the coast is clear

now i'll be remembered as the girl who spills the coffee, and the girl who stained the carpet..