'punyal' thinks

i am ...

"a prisoner. a masochist. an unstable element. a feeble malleable masochist who lacks evolutionary progress. or, an evolving weak masochist listening to portions for foxes."

thanks to 'punyal' bear (he fakes meditation by hybernating) for that very precise description of me right now. you will always be my meditating kinky cylindrical species of a friend.

letting my hair down

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.


- corinne bailey rae - "put your records on"

this is a song that perfectly describes my general mood these days.

i've learned to compromise with myself these days. if i really do want to get away with the stress from all those decisions, decisions and decisions, i have to learn to stop taking those turns where i end up putting myself in the middle of crossroads. challenges are good. but we don't always have to invite them in.

luvin my busy days

So what’s up with me lately? Like anybody’s asking. But heck, I’m really really trying to be less controlling with myself. I need to learn to think less, worry less. I need to learn to let go of things I have little control about. I need to enjoy more of what life has handed me.

So I’m learning.

I’ve been keeping myself busy. If I can’t be busy with work, I might as well be busy with something else. But well, work has also its own plans - I’ve really been busy with work this week when I’ve managed to schedule my weeknights with the something to do.

But I guess that’s how life is. We plan, but not everything always go as how we’d like to be. Thanks to life’s little surprises.

Monday night was GK meeting night. I’ve been volunteering to help out with this organization - the Gawad Kalinga. We’re helping out this GK Love Concert, whose proceeds would go to the Mission 4 Nutrition Program which will be launched to the GK villages in the Philippines. Read on here to learn about Gawad Kalinga. The concert is this weekend, and the producer needs as many help as she can. She’s Singaporean, and she’s the key person that helped out in the launching of this nutrition program. She’s very moved about the goals of GK to lift the poverty in our country. Simply by looking at how these non-Filipinos are doing their best to help our own kababayans, is inspiring enough to make you want to do your own share in your own little ways.

Tuesday night was all about Shanghai food. A former colleague of mine, from Shanghai, invited me with other friends for dinner and try out close to authentic dishes famous in Beijing and Shanghai. I had this limited idea that all Chinese eat are noodles. I was wrong of course. We ordered a variety of food, seven dishes all in all - for four people. Yes, that’s a lot. And even if I just walked on my way home, I still felt that no calorie was burned from what I had that night. What I enjoyed most was their really really yummy and juicy pork dumplings, which is half the price of this fancy Chinese restaurant that I used to go to. Too bad, I got no pictures.

Wednesday night was all Japanese. Jason and I was eyeing on this Japanese restaurant that we passed by during our first dinner at Café Oliv. We went to Waraku Japanese Restaurant, which has outlets opening at Clark Quay’s Central Mall already. The place was quite small, and well, very Japanese. I wasn’t about to be disappointed with their dishes too. They just have too many options that it took a while for us to order. I wanted to get a taste of everything. Hehe. I ended up ordering Salmon Udon in cream sauce, and I will definitely order this again when I get the chance to come back. It’s like this creamy pasta sauce, which is lighter and almost soupy. And did I mention that they serve their noodles in this very very huge bowl? The dish was more than enough for two .. But of course, Jason finished all that he ordered. Hehe. He had a Tsubaki Set, which was this sort of Udon soup, and BBQ eel toppings on rice. Did I mention that we also orderd Futomaki? :D

Then, tonight.. Thursday night, is all about gadget night. Finally, my crimson XPS M1330 arrived. Yippee! I’m in love with my new Dell. Who needs a boyfriend now? Haha! I still do .. Lol.

So that’s it about the week. My m1330 and I still needs a lot of acquainting to do. Tomorrow night’s SFC teaching night. Then my weekend’s packed too, with the concert and probably, if I’m lucky, I’ll be watching Swan Lake On Ice.

Busy, busy, busy. I love it when I’m busy.

l-o-v-e

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor so that nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness. So simple a phrase like 'Maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

where i am at loss for words, neil gaiman says it so perfectly .. word by word.

bakit ako single?

i just came from a job interview earlier which left me bugged with the question, "why am i single?" for the rest of the afternoon, and probably until i sleep tonight. i may have impressed the interviewers with my technical experience (finally, na defend ko ang pagka c++ programmer ko). however, i was not able to impress them with my long term goals.

it seems that my being "unattached" can possibly become a hindrance for me to get this new job. i had the same moment with jennifer aniston in her movie 'Picture Perfect' (1997) where she was passed up for a promotion because she is 'not stable enough', and is still single even if she was the right person for the job. however, i could not make up a story about being engaged with anyone because "ako nga ay single". and honestly, i wasn't aware that could be a problem til now.

i really thought that married career women would have a lesser edge against single, career driven women because they could not really give so much of their time to their work. we all know that family should come first. however, it seems that companies are also looking at how long can you possibly stay in a certain company, or in a certain place.

since i wasn't able to come up with convincing long term goals (wala naman din akong long term goals as of now), they probably got the hint that i would resign as soon as i get a better job outside the country which is a risk to the company. they do have a point actually. i'm single, i'm a free-spirit, and i'm a wanderer. where's the fault in that?

there was even a part in the interview where one of the interviewers suggested to the other if he knows anyone who is possibly available for me to date. aba! may free match-making pa! hire me already, please! hehehehe.

so there, napa-isip tuloy ako. good thing i didn't rant that it's not easy being single too, y'know. though the discussion would have turned out pretty interesting. i'm afraid they might offer me a tissue paper as i pour out my drama. OA! hehe.

but seriously, all i could think of then was ... i'm single and i'm loving it (parang mcdo)...til now. kainis!

the play and the margarita

after watching the play 'The Jeweler's Shop' last night, jan and i decided to stop by for a drink at the Loof just across raffles hotel. it's this rooftop bar that was so inviting while we were on the third floor, just outside the theater's lobby. on our way, we were discussing how the bar was named as such. does the name 'Loof' the chinese way of saying 'roof' in english? well, it could probably meant something else, and it's being on the rooftop could be purely coincidental so we decided to put our theories to rest.

i needed to unwind. i was just getting too many messages (or signals) from the play written by the late Karol Wojtyla (more famously known as Pope John Paul II) before he became pope. the play is a reflection of the different forms of human love. there wasn't much interaction between the characters, rather, it was mostly a monologue of the characters' emotions and thoughts in the different situations depicted in the story as they journey towards falling in love, or even falling out of it.

i think i was too engrossed in the play since i found myself reflecting on the questions raised by the different characters. i do have this tendency to empathize with these actors, not only in plays but also in movies. however, i admit i got scared about my own reflections that night that i had a heavy heart after the show (affected ang drama!). well, i did try to disregard those thoughts and blamed it all to the fact that i do think way too much about too little things.

the strawberry margarita i ordered helped a bit in lifting the heavy clouds set by the drama from what we call "the human kind of love". though if i had another glass, the stars would have revealed more of themselves that night. i wonder what they had to say.

septembah

finally, it's september! i don't know if it's just me, but i really think august dragged on so so so sooo slowly, like it was taking almost forever for september to come! won't you agree? the month was surely taking its time, or maybe there was just so much that happened last month that made it seem so long (cuz when i checked the calender, it was the same 31 days, duh!). but am i glad it was all over... finally, it's september! (didn't i say that already?)

hmm, today's labor day in the US. just had a fun trip down to memory lane when i remembered my first labor day weekend, and spent a whole lotta fun touring NYC. but that wasn't the highlight of the trip, ofcourse. :D time surely does fly fast when i realized that that thing happened like three years ago .. but the memory never fails to put a smile on my face though. hehe .. it brings thoughts like things i look forward to telling my grand-daughters, "mga apo, cute guys and tequila don't mix well is a dangerous mix ..pramis!" harharhar .. :D here's a link of my old blog.

the first weekend is also my hometown's fiesta. i've missed celebrating this festivity. the house will always be packed with guests from different corners of my province and the food will just be pouring non-stop from the kitchen :D being a boholana, i'm always proud of how we celebrate this tradition .. we're famous in the visayas for this :) (i'm not too sure if the other parts of the country have heard about how we celebrate these fiestas though)

it'll be four months before christmas too. isn't that exciting? it would be my roommie's wedding too :) wow, it's like i've never been away from home this long. it'll be the first christmas that i planned to spend with my family after two years. now, the thought really got me excited.. yey! :)

cheers for happy thoughts! :D