i was having this conversation with my friend, renz.
me: "just went thru an emotional roller coaster the past weeks"
renz: "really, that's just like a walk in the park for you"
me: "walk in the park? .. it feels more like a walk on burning charcoal."
just because one can smile through her problems, it doesn't mean everything is a walk in the park. it would probably be more like a walk in the park of burning charcoal with a bottle of tequila on one hand.
i find it often hard to believe that i am going through what i'm going through right now. i thought i'm so over with things like these. much more, i know i'm going through all these because of my own impulsive actions. sometimes i wonder how far my own impulsiveness will lead me to. often times i feel like banging my head to the walls as i flinch at the consequences i have to face.
remember when a dog-owner shouts, "bad dog! bad dog!", whenever his pet dog is acting like a dog? i so feel like that helpless dog whenever i do something i shouldn't have done. it's like i can hear my subconscious is shouting at me in the same manner because i wasn't using reason over my actions. darn! i so hate these voices in my head. they are making me crazy!
when faced with problems that makes you sick to your stomach, the escapist and coward in me always tries to surface and takes control of my life. like life hasn't handed me a dozen lemons already, i should know by now how to face my problems and getaway from the emotional web that i've managed to entangle myself with.
God does have a way with us whenever we are faced with these kinds of situations. often times i hear Him say, "Lizette, my dear child, don't be such a baby! get up and walk and stop whining!" i've been drowning myself in emptiness and void. but i've only been whining to myself! *sigh*
however, God showed me a glimpse of what's going on around me. how can i just give up and remain unmotivated about anything when there are even people loosing their own lives at their prime, something that's out of their control. i find myself being so selfish, and yes.. whiny. tama nga naman si Lord.
i know i can really be such a drama queen when there's really no one to blame with all the troubles i've led myself in but moi. yes, i'm just suffering from a series of misfortunes brought about my own impulsiveness. when will i ever learn?
then i came up with this Bible verse on a gadget i installed at my iGoogle homepage. Ephesians 2:8, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God."
i guess i've just been handling things on my own, thus i tend to resolve things through impulsive actions. had i been more level-headed in facing my problems, i would have saved myself a lot of stress - and money. sometimes i just wish i could have someone to anchor me. but really, we only have ourselves and our willpower to change.
me: "just went thru an emotional roller coaster the past weeks"
renz: "really, that's just like a walk in the park for you"
me: "walk in the park? .. it feels more like a walk on burning charcoal."
just because one can smile through her problems, it doesn't mean everything is a walk in the park. it would probably be more like a walk in the park of burning charcoal with a bottle of tequila on one hand.
i find it often hard to believe that i am going through what i'm going through right now. i thought i'm so over with things like these. much more, i know i'm going through all these because of my own impulsive actions. sometimes i wonder how far my own impulsiveness will lead me to. often times i feel like banging my head to the walls as i flinch at the consequences i have to face.
remember when a dog-owner shouts, "bad dog! bad dog!", whenever his pet dog is acting like a dog? i so feel like that helpless dog whenever i do something i shouldn't have done. it's like i can hear my subconscious is shouting at me in the same manner because i wasn't using reason over my actions. darn! i so hate these voices in my head. they are making me crazy!
when faced with problems that makes you sick to your stomach, the escapist and coward in me always tries to surface and takes control of my life. like life hasn't handed me a dozen lemons already, i should know by now how to face my problems and getaway from the emotional web that i've managed to entangle myself with.
God does have a way with us whenever we are faced with these kinds of situations. often times i hear Him say, "Lizette, my dear child, don't be such a baby! get up and walk and stop whining!" i've been drowning myself in emptiness and void. but i've only been whining to myself! *sigh*
however, God showed me a glimpse of what's going on around me. how can i just give up and remain unmotivated about anything when there are even people loosing their own lives at their prime, something that's out of their control. i find myself being so selfish, and yes.. whiny. tama nga naman si Lord.
i know i can really be such a drama queen when there's really no one to blame with all the troubles i've led myself in but moi. yes, i'm just suffering from a series of misfortunes brought about my own impulsiveness. when will i ever learn?
then i came up with this Bible verse on a gadget i installed at my iGoogle homepage. Ephesians 2:8, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God."
i guess i've just been handling things on my own, thus i tend to resolve things through impulsive actions. had i been more level-headed in facing my problems, i would have saved myself a lot of stress - and money. sometimes i just wish i could have someone to anchor me. but really, we only have ourselves and our willpower to change.
i know i need my feet back on the ground. i need His grace for me to be able to walk with my head up high once again... then i can finally shout, "Yatta!", when this journey ends.
anyways, i'm getting there.
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