deceptions dans la vie

how should one deal with disappointment?

people fall in love, get happy, get contented, get excited, get sad, get worried and get disappointed. disappointment is just one of the universal feelings that everyone has to deal with.

reactions vary with the extent of the disappointment that we feel at the moment. if it would be something that we didn't expect, usually, we get mad and throw that anger to something, or someone. sometimes, a disappointment could break our heart so badly that we wish we could just wash it away with our tears. sometimes, we shake our head and try to get wiser over the situation. then, we remind ourselves about what lesson to pick up from it and what to do to move on.

but should these experiences stop us from believing? should we then stop hoping? of course not! we need to grow from these experiences. we learn more about ourselves, about what to hope for and when to stop getting overhead about our expectations. the important thing is we need to know when to put away those childish hopes to where they belong - in the pages of the story books. then we identify those hopes that should remain tugged in our hearts, those that really matter.

maybe we are entitled to mope about our disappointments, may it be big or small. we may owe that to ourselves, but we owe ourselves more if we don't learn to move on.

so, i've been disappointed. les deceptions dans la vie est normale. over what, it doesn't matter. all i know is i've learned my lesson and i'm not mooning about it. c'est ne pas necessaire. i'm continuing on this journey, stronger as i've always been, i suppose. life's too short.

can't date friends (part 1)

most people would say that one of the best relationships exist when two best friends fall in love. on the other hand, i've always believed that as crap. i'd be lying if i don't admit that as something that's totally romantic. however, it's still crap.

i firmly believed that two people of the opposite sex can be the best of friends with both parties not remotely entertaining thoughts of attraction for the other.but who was i kidding? there's always one party who betrays the other. i had been best friends with a few guys to realize that in all relationships, i've betrayed my own beliefs. i was just too proud to admit it then.

whenever i felt the attraction building up inside me for my best guy friend of the moment, i never really entertain it. i'm good at suppressing my feelings. and when i do just that without telling anyone, whatever attraction was felt, will just die down and disappear into oblivion. maybe that's why i thought that a platonic relationship can really exist because i was hiding the evidence.

however, something happens that you can't deny. the other party then starts to betray your friendship. there's always a confession of feelings or most guys just acts on the physical attraction when they feel it. they hesitate, but they still act on it. that's when my advocacy for platonic relationships gets crumbled.

i hate the betrayal, but not long enough to admit to myself that i just got scared. then the moment just simply passes me by. so does the old friendship. but when i've overcome that, that's when the real friendship supposedly starts to exist. however, you're only lucky if the other party is even around for that.

bored coffee musings

i don't want to complain about my life's being complacent right now. i should be happy, contented. not fidgeted nor edgy. nothing's been preoccupying me these days. the only thing that's causing my heart to skip a beat has always been, and maybe will always be, though hopefully not - my coffee.

there was one morning when i decided to change my skype shoutout to "can't imagine my mornings without you... my mocha latte". some people actually thought i was being romantic to call my boyfriend with such endearment. i can't help but crack up on the thought that people would seriously think that. well, if i can't have a boyfriend, i can at least have my coffee, right? however, before the day ended, i had to change my skype status. i don't want to be giving the wrong ideas that i am unavailable. hehe. on the contrary, that would be purely insignificant since there's no probable prospects in my skype contacts anyway.

i've been much of a home body the past month. though i'm itching to go back to clubbing, do salsa or brush up my French. but i see all as pointless and superficial now or nothing just drives me anymore. i can sense that i'm shrinking my social circle little by little that it gets too crowded even if i were to stand in there alone. my thoughts are also tired of spinning around the probabilities of what my future would lie ahead of me. seriously, i get dizzy already about thinking too much nonsense. the only spinning that’s been happening in my life is inside my head.

*sigh* if only i were a seasoned traveler, i'm pretty sure i'd be busy exploring someplace, something, or someone right now. if only i'm strong enough to live the life i want.

all my love

so.. another year passed me by .. and i'm officially 27 plus 1 :p (kamo nay matimatik, in denial pa ko :D )

and i hear voices n my head ... *27 + 1.. wait, 28? OMG..and no boyfriend?
you should be thinking about getting married soon..err.. sooner, y'know?
and no savings still?*.... okay, i didn't hear all that. really, ignore it.

sheesh, i'm a year older. okay, so i'm 28! it sounds like i'm almost becoming ancient and i am not even halfway with my things-to-do-before-thirty list. or rather, i haven't even started making my list! no one's really getting younger (yeah, yeah!). and it feels good to know that i'm in sync with everyone about that. ( yes! :p )

i was just reading about my birthday post last year to compare how much has changed in over a year. well, i'm proud to say that i'm not as emotional as i was before. i was totally immature back then. or maybe i'm seeing life as something that's getting better right now. maybe, i've been seeing more "light" and hope.. which is really a good thing. or maybe, inspired lang ko? hehe (ug wlay mang-intriga :p).

seriously, it's about time to see birthdays as something more than counting your blessings. it's not that i have nothing to be grateful about anymore.. we still need to be thankful about everything we get to have or experience in life, big and small..well, the blessings are just overflowing. and it's a waste if you don't give the chance to share them y'know.

i think birthdays should be centered more about how much blessings you could share for other people. make it a day for you to become a better friend to someone, be a more thoughtful child, or a more caring sister/brother. make it a day to be extra generous to those who are in need. then, your blessings won't end on you.. it would then continue to flow on to others, which i think is the essence of all the gifts you've received in life. once you do this, you'd get to experience a way way better birthday.

so to everyone, all my love :) mwah!

i need an inspiration

I have another reason to love Hugh Grant after i watched 'Music & Lyrics'. It's another must-watch romantic comedy for all the romantics and for those whose moods need uplifting :)

The song below is from the movie. It's the kind that will stick into your head and have you humming it til the rest of the day. so when i got home, i had to google the lyrics immediately. other than that, i found a video in youtube too. check this link to hear it.

Well, the lyrics are really good.. and surprisingly, it's saying a lot about what's going on inside me for quite a time already. so, totally ka-relate.. sa title palang :P

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Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that i'll be there for you in the end

the lizard and i

i was engrossed at the internet when i saw a lizard pass through the wall behind my pc. well, actually i didn't notice it until i heard it say, "tsk tsk tsk", before it decided to disappear behind the picture frame on the wall.

that was my first time to hear a lizard produce any sound. i thought they are one of those silent creatures, like roaches or ants, or i wasn't just observant to lizards before. however, maybe lizards are indeed silent creatures, but i was just imagining things that it was trying to catch my attention.

did that lizard actually pitied my state right now? so what if i am an overweight, almost thirty something single woman who's too preoccupied at how to get off her debts and loose weight but far from succeeding on both? grrr.. bad lizard!

i'm not minding lizards from now on.

a chapter closed

i was at the embassy earlier today to have my student visa cancelled. it was the last step i had to do to finally have at peace with my decision of not pursuing THE other dream.

as i waited for my turn inside the embassy, i get to contemplate about things that led me to the seat where i was at that exact moment. i went through a lot of anxieties and worries to reach this decision. it wasn't an easy thing, and i had some price to pay because of my indecisions.

i was also a bit jittery thinking if i needed to explain my side to the consul officer. i hate explaining myself, my actions. and for someone who's a fool to always commit the wrong ones, i was hating myself more. so, while i waited, i had prepared myself for some interrogation .... that luckily didn't take place. whew!

when i got hold of my passport, i looked at the bold "CANCELLED" mark across my visa. i then knew at that moment, there's no more space for thoughts of what-might-have-beens. another roller coaster ride has just ended. and i've had learned a lot from the whole thing.

"dili lagi magtaka-taka ug enter."