can't date friends (part 2)

someone once asked me why i don't date friends (gusto siguro ko i-date :p). i answered with indignation, like you would in any conversation where you make sure there's no place for an argument to follow, "i just don't. period." but of course there were lot's of questions right after (persistent! hehehe :p).

nweyz, to be honest, i couldn't just simply blurt out the real reason. it's one of those questions where the real answer can only be revealed by exposing an old wound that's taking too long to heal. i don't want to do that.

i have nothing against guy friends. really. they're great replacements when boyfriends aren't handy. :) falling in love with your best friend is indeed romantic. the part where i think that it's all crap was just the bitter side of me which i'm trying so hard to rub off.

let's say, hypothetically (take note, hypothetically!).. i was slowly falling for a very close friend but i was keeping that to myself cause i don't want to make our relationship go to that direction. then suddenly, he tells me that he has this romantic feelings towards me all the while. the initial reaction is to be ecstatic about it, right? there would be butterflies in your stomach, blood rushing to your cheeks, heartbeats would be raising, heaven shouting halleluias. then your mind would stop functioning, cuz it's all about the heart this time. what could be a more romantic way to start the relationship? tell the world you're inlove and both of you will live happily (n')ever after.

but that thing never happens to me. the moment the guy tells me about how he feels, just rightbefore the part where butterflies come into my stomach, a huge rock of hesitation falls right infront of my face and BAM! all the butterflies get killed. (*eyes rolling*) seriously, the heartbeat raising moment gets cut short because of unwarranted thoughts of hesitations surging into my mind and try to get ahead with my emotions with flashing headlights. i tell myself, "he's a really good friend and he makes you laugh, and he's smart, and sensitive ... BUT, does he drive a porsche? does he own a penthouse?".... okay, i'm kidding. seriously, i'd be telling myself for several times about how
much we're having a great time as friends. am i willing to loose that? "of course! now that i can finally have my man, why not, donut?"

how i wish it's easy to say that. relationship fears starts to sink in, real hard and it's just so difficult to get away with them. sleepless nights then follow, weighing what-should and what-should-not-be. like reasoning with your heart is an easy feat. not for me, anyways.

i can't really say anything against having two good friends falling for each other. it's like a very natural thing to happen. it's not about falling into your comfort zone, nor settling with the next available guy there is. it's about developing a connection with someone that you least expect. someone who has been there with you all along but discovering a new person at the same time.

however, some people leave, and some just get left behind. at one moment, you can really be so close with someone, then the next, you are going separate paths already. my point is, it's rare for old lovers to be friends after a relationship. but good friends, they will be there for you no matter what.. for friendship is borderless.

so, i don't really know how to conclude this. i don't know how the cards will turn out. i'm not brave enough to risk a good friendship even if it could be worth it this time. but, i'm also in no position to tell what's worth it and what's not anymore. nothing has proven me anything yet.