career dilemma

i took the day off at work today because i've had this fever thing going inside me. yeah, seriously, there's a fever that was just too shy to go out. but i've taken the required paracetamols inorder not to take things worse, and enough sleep. that's probably just all that i needed after having such a tough week last week, from the travel and all the pressures at work.

enough on justifying my leave, i took this day as a chance, to wander about where i am going with my life, career wise. you see, my contract is ending by the 27th of this year. i surely am not renewing my contract with my current agent. my only option to stay with the company that i'm working with is for me to be absorbed as a permanent employee (which my technical lead says that my boss had such plans already). however, do i still want to continue despite all this stress? will my boss remember that he made such a statement? what if december comes and i won't have a job? what will happen to my 2007? would i take this chance to leave singapore? if that's the case, would i be able to celebrate my new year in hongkong then? (oops, that question is not inline with my career dilemma!).

my future lays too many options for me now that i am so impatient to find out which one i should actually pick. more so, i have to choose wisely this time as i am not getting any younger. i have responsibilities to weigh and there's no chance to dawdle when making my decisions. however, i can't also just keep up with a career that i'm obviously not born with, and stay because of the money it's giving me (it's not much, but it sustains me definitely). i'll simply end up burnt out, old, and miserable (and not even rich) if i continue to do this.

everybody's dream is to land on their dream jobs. this might be a chance for me to pursue my dream job. however, if i do that, i have another obstacle to face : what is my dream job? i want to do so many things, but i can't pick one that i want to do best. it would be simpler if i just wake up one morning and say to myself, this is what i am born to do. wouldn't that be just nice?

there's one solution to this problem, but i'm not so sure if i have the luxury to do it though. i could go from one job to another, without thinking of the pay. i think this is the best way to solve my problem. but could i ever do that? career-driven that i thought i am, would i have enough guts to plunge into something like that? face the unkown, conquer my fears. that would be too easy to say.

another thing, would giving up the six years of experience in this career would really be worth it? or is this just the jaded, burnt out career woman in me, babbling about this nonsense? the wiser thing to do is move forward for this career and look for the opportunity where my creative side would just simply come out and make this career path more enjoyable and fun. when have these IT stuffs been fun? when? (tell me, quando!?)

i'm probably just looking for a loophole at this dump that i am in. i admit, i am really just tired about this career. i don't see myself growing anymore. i can't appreciate what i am doing, or what i am contributing. how else would i ace my job interviews then if i continue to feel this way? would i just allow myself to crumble at my present job?

to paint you a picture of this dilemma, i could even picture myself becoming a domestic helper in europe (well, i am quite picky about the place). you see, i know how to clean bathrooms and get satisfaction from it, as compared to having solved a memory leak problem. so, house cleaning, anyone?