when hope still floats

last night, i felt a very discomforting pain in my body. i thought i was going to die right then. so i told myself, "is this it? is this how life would be just for me?". i felt so insignificant knowing that my passing away would not matter to anybody. but for an instant, i felt glad for i wouldn't have to worry about what to do with my life.

i talked to God for a minute. if my life was going to end that way, then i'm sorry if i hadn't lived the life as i should have, whatever it is. maybe i deserved the life being preempted before it was given a chance to blossom. however, it was as if God was giving me a choice to give in to my desperation. like i could choose to die right then, or continue to live. but from what i've read somewhere, life only ends when one puts out his light for hope. in hesitation, i heard myself plea for a second chance. i should continue to believe that hope still springs around the corner. i just need to look out for it in the unusual places.

i guess God heard my plea. i still managed to wake up and see the light this morning.

my day went back to normal. i took the usual bus ride to the office, thinking that it's going to be just another day. but somehow, something inside me felt different. i probably learned something from last night's dream. though my problems are the same as yesterday, i think there are still more solutions that i could find before the day ends.

btw, it's the day of the saints. i think a saint just saved me.