cluttered thoughts

i am here stuck in my new office hating myself for feeling guilty of not doing anything productive at all. i couldn't stop thinking of how another unproductive day has passed scanning documents that never really sinked in to my "brain" as i changed the text colors of my visual studio editor to fight my boredom.

in the whole week of utter helplessness and being lost in "translation" amidst the growing chinese population in this small office, i could not help look back at the life from my previous work place where i was more confident with what i am doing. i just hate feeling helpless. though i know i only feel this way because i am just being too hard on myself. this is a normal thing to happen on the first week of work where most of the days are spent adjusting to your new work environment and familiarizing your project and tasks. this has been my third company in my so called career life, i should know by now that this thing happens. well, i am just being impatient.

so here i am in my spacious cube, watching patiently for the minutes and hours to pass, in between glances from technical documents and source codes in my now very colorful editor. all throughout the week, i tried to fight the urge to blog. but obviously, i failed.

since i decided to move here in singapore, it seems there's just so much that i wanted to blog about. from little known surprising facts on why adults are missing in japan (read it from a singaporean tabloid), to the startling question thrown at me two days ago - "do i believe in true love?". i couldn't even think of a good subject line for a blog that would fit the hodge-podge of thoughts waiting to be documented in this little space.

so here's a few of the cluttered thoughts coming back and forth in this idle mind as i try to pick myself and start getting used to life out here.

***

i terribly missed my friends in cebu. i missed hanging out with them, spending dinner together, hanging out at ASLE, planning on the next out of town escapades, and dreaming together about life outside cebu. it's too bad already that i would miss the upcoming christmas reunion that we had planned three months ago.

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one of my best friends, or my bestest best friend is about to be a Dad! the news came out as a surprise, but i'm definitely happy for him. i am confident that he'd be a great father :) however, it makes me sad thinking how time flies, where your friends are having babies now and you are still single where settling down is in the farthest edge of your thoughts. i just hope that the next news won't be them having grand children, while i'm out there dating divorced men. that's just scary.

***

i was reading a newsletter at the changi airport when i came across a short article about the alarming increase of missing persons in japan. however, i was more alarmed to know that the reason is not abduction, but rather it's family, work and relationship problems that are causing people to be missing. if i were in japan, i'd be long gone missing already. and i know some other people too :)

***

i guess i got fewer cluttered thoughts than i expected. or too much idleness just leads my mind to be blank. but at least i get to blog now and there's fewer people in the office, so it's okay to post this one already.