a day at a time

it has been a while since i've had this much anticipation within me. i greet each day with sweaty palms, heart pumping faster, and a forced smile. i have always been like this. when there's something ahead of me that i can't quite figure out, i wouldn't stop to be worried about it. i know i just have to feel relaxed.

breathe in. breathe out.

i worry about my future. i wonder what it's like not to? would i get the job i've dreamt to have? would i be able to go to places that i've dreamt about going in my entire life? would there be someone whose heart beats only for me? where would i see him? where would we live? then i close my eyes and paint vivid pictures as answers to all these questions.

sigh.

then the what-ifs come. what if not? that's when i start to worry. but after a what-seemed unending worries about my what-ifs, i say to myself, "one day at a time". yes, i'll just have to try to live one day at a time.

and that's when i start to smile.