unwanted

the desire or need to belong to someone, to a society, or to a group of friends is human nature. no man is an island. a cliche, but true. but a series of failed attempts to belong had driven a few to be their own island. i myself have been tempted to runaway to mine.

sometimes i think if i am just so appalling to drive people away. or too intimidating perhaps, or even too demanding. but sometimes, being too easy is simply a reason enough to drive others away. i guess being too much on both ends are enough ingredients for an unwanted you. they say you have to keep the mystery sometimes, and keep the adventure adrenaline high. but not too high, you might tire the people around you. and not too low, you might bore them. but keeping up with others also tires you. drains you. can't they be with you for who you are? or by simply being who you are is what's driving them away?

but sometimes i think it is not entirely you who's to blame. you've just been lucky to be around people who are simply mean. believe me, there are people who are experts to make you feel unwanted. i do not know if they do this on purpose, or if their meanness is simply their life's purpose to maintain some cosmic balance in this earth. and they might even be unaware of this vile act. i am simply lucky enough to get a chance to bump into them once in a while in the significant periods of my life.

i don't really blame the mean people that i've crossed paths with cause maybe that's how life should work for me. i know i feel this way since i allow myself to be. i obscure myself in my unwanted world and be my own island. i know it's a coward's attempt to fight his insecurities. but it's a solace where i prefer to linger on. lonely, yet peaceful.