back to blogging

something must have happened that i have just lost the interest to write down my notes. my journals are probably now getting comfy with the dusts. maybe i just grew tired from writing too much about what my feelings were then. or simply i just detached myself from me, if that's even possible. probably was. but for the record, that could have been the best thing to do at that time. i was this duckling, swamped and could not find shelter from the rain. i simply was just lost. what can you write when you do not even know what you feel exactly?

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i've just spent an amazing weekend at st. john's monastery. i didnt realize that by simply being around with people with so much positive aura could lift up your burried misery and disappointments. i was with the brothers and sisters of the st. john's community and simply spending a few days with them, i've seen some silver linings on my life when i thought would just be grey. they've taught me to deepen my faith. my only challenge now is to be able to keep that fire burning.

on my four days there, i've come to think about the things that have been troubling me. i've discarded those troubles for some time since i thought that by simply not thinking about them, i'd be just fine. i was wrong. i know i have to do something about it inorder to move on.

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first thing, deal with kf. i know things are way over between us. but somehow my stubborn head won't get any of it unless he'd really say something about it. worst thing someone could do to you is leave you hanging in some thin air. and that's what he did. to be able to finally let my hands free, i had to write him a letter asking for the last time about us. i was hoping he'd write me back, but he didnt. he answered by changing his friendster status to single, and deleting my testimonial of him. i guess that's the best answer i can get from him. though i can't explain this funny feeling inside, i'm just glad he responded the way he did.

Well, i'm letting go now.