fri nyt thots

it's officially my first day for my two-week-long "break" from work. finally, i get to have the vacation that i rightfully deserve. well, right after juggling my time, and my mind from one project to another without even a breather in between, i say, i really do deserve this.

i was supposed to leave early from office today. however, the chili chili crab i had last night didn't have a very good effect on me. i had a hard time sleeping, and i woke up so early. what was with the crab i had that night? hmm.must be some stimulant or something. or i just can't sleep on a heavy stomach?

despite the stress from work and lack of sleep, i didnt head off to the apartment right after. i just can't make myself be home early on a friday night. what's with that, anyway? i just feel so allergic to it.

i then decided to join some friends to the salsa club that i've been frequenting on friday nights. good thing the gang was there. and the guy, i'm-supposed-to-be-interested-on-but-don't-really-care-about, was also there. i was looking forward to dancing with him, but never got the chance. i've danced with three friends all night, that my right wrist is aching with the turns we are trying to get the hang on. my friends are really getting better at salsa though. that's why it's getting more fun. well, they are my classmates on the make-up class i had on friday nights. they are now my regular salsa buddies.

people here don't really stay out so late, compared to what we're used to in the philippines. i guess it's because taxi fares are just so high, and night buses are really rare. so, if you don't have a car, you better be home just before the last bus, or the last mrt.

hmm...i just realized that this whole blog has really no point. hehe.

"it's only to deny this loneliness that's tearing me apart"

chili chili crab

i just luvvv seafoods here in singapore.. chili crab, black pepper crab and cereal prawns... awww..heavenly! these dishes are a hit among locals and foreigners. that seafood restaurants are packed even on weeknights. you could even get crabs imported from sri lanka.. which you could really describe as C-R-A-B. hehe.

but i couldn't afford to buy myself this kind of dinner yet, as prices just get over the roof. maybe when i pay for my own, i'd see '$$$$' and not really enjoy the meal. but i say, it's really worth it.. i just don't have the luxury yet for such meals. good thing though, i still get to eat 'em occasionally.. pag may manglilibre! and tonite's one of those lucky nights!

now.. i'm really so stuffed that i can't sleep. i've already tossed all my worries on loosing weight. they're not worth it when chili crab is served on your plate :p

*burp*.... oh crab!

not always a bed of roses

i am just amazed with optimism from people who have basically lived a life on a bed of roses. they always have the tendency to see the glass half full. when it's a talk on relationships, they see falling in love, and living happily ever after. when it's a talk about work, they see themselves as falling into the places of the "successful" people in their own fields, like it's the only way to go.

but on the bad side, these eternal optimists just look at their life so narrowly that they have the tendency to forget that it isn't always like that. life isn't always like that for everybody. it isn't always a bed of roses. people fall in love, and get betrayed. people work hard to succeed, and still get stabbed at the back by their own bosses. people invest, and yet still loses everything.

a rambling mind

i hate it when i there's nothing much to be preoccuppied about. my idle thoughts just go everywhere. i get to think about things that i shouldn't be thinking about, things that i shouldn't worry about. i just get to think, and think, and think... when i should do better things, like sleep. uggh! worse, what's to over analyze when there's not even a single thing to analyze? i am not complaining about my life. things are just getting smoothly. work's tough as ever, just enough to make me whine about it. people at the office are just predictably bearable. and i don't want to change that for anything .. no bossy, pigheaded, arrogant colleagues. imagine a whole day of peace and quiet in your own cube :)

but who am i kidding? peace and quiet also means ... wandering thoughts... or dozing off. but i can't sleep in my cube, my as-if-i-am-busy p.m. does his periodic office tour. i wouldn't want him to wake me up in the middle of a good dream. it was enough that he had caught me spending too much time with skype when i was just new at work. i'm not good at giving good first impressions. good thing, there's coffee to keep me company and i've managed to skype occasionally now. so, i've managed to schedule my time between work, coffee, daydreaming and skyping. so, what's to complain again?

this is just my idle mind rambling.

the ex's mom

when my ex-fiancee backed out on our wedding years back, i dealt with the concequences on my own. i never even bothered knowing how his family reacted over having the wedding cancelled. i just assumed that they're much like him. or even they had given their support and backed him up about his decision.

then just recently, news flew all over from south china sea to here, that his mom still talks about that part of his life. not only that, she couldn't bear the embarassment his son has brought to the family. it must have been difficult for her. i think she might have felt disgraced about her son's actions. or probably, she's still in disbelief how she knows someone who could do that, much more, her own son. makes me wonder, had i talked to his mom then, or attempted to communicate with her before, had coping been different? but i can't tell if it had made things easier, or more difficult though.

it's funny when you learn that your ex's mom, is as aware as you are, on you how much of an asshole her son had been. although that statement could have given a different note if you'd known about it before you just stopped caring.

oh well, just an amusing trip to memory lane.

wishing to be good

good things happen to good people. when you are dedicated to your work, and not think about rewards, salary, promotions or even pleasing the boss, you get the reward you deserve without even thinking about it. and usually, when good things come, they pour!

however, i could barely say i am one of those good people. i have always been a delinquent. even way back in highschool, i cram and cram ... and get lucky. i always lack that dedication to achieve something. it was always easy come and easy go philosophy for me. when i started working, i probably just improved in my outlook a baby-step further. nothing more.

even now, i took the day off because i felt sick. the truth is, i am just plainly sick at my job and i feel smothered in the emptiness in my cube .. or should i say, in my mind?

i don't know why i am even like this. i've been thinking about changing careers, but i could not deny that i can not give up easily the perks of this job. i am staying to keep the lifestyle i want. it's nothing luxurious as you might think coz i am still broke, but it's comfortable enough. i know this way of thinking is purely selfish and vain and sick. but that aside, the job is also making me sick. but it would be hypocritical of me if i won't admit that it has it's highs too. but not much compared to the downers it's giving me.

well, i just complain when i know i'm incapable of achieving something. it hides my incompetence. but you know what, you know you're a failure when you start blaming others (someone famous said that, i just can't remember who exactly). that's why i complain because i find that easier than to accept that i've failed.

i'm just getting what i deserve, and i whine twice as much when shit happens.

how i wish i could get to sing the song from the 'sound of music', "somewhere in my childhood, i must have done something good".

but i know i can't.

i need a mind-shift..i'm becoming all too negative.

glad that superman returned

my friends and i watched 'Superman Returns' last night. that was my first movie since january. yes, the first! i missed X-men, and what else? oh well, i got to think that the money i should spend on the movies, i'd rather spend them on .. shoes. hehe.

but i'm not talking about my shoe-shopping craze, rather 'Superman'. am i glad i didn't miss this one on the big screen? gosh, was Brandon Routh just...'H-O-T'! i don't mind seeing him soo upclose (fourth row from the cinema screen). i don't mind at all. hehe.

i confess, i had a hard time concentrating on the movie. aside from having to protect my eardrums from breaking with all the sound effects, my mind's battling all throughout the almost 3-hour run of the movie.

'how could he be soo supermanly perfect? ...
but hey, isn't his face animated or real? ..
then clark's face shows up...
'Oh, he's real diay.. he's just really so handsome'..
then superman shows up, his face covering the wide screen,
'no way could that face be real!
he's so digitally enhanced! (thanks ri, for the word)!
...and my oh my, that body!' ....
'and what? he was in manila? did i hear that right?'

...my mind just went on like that until i realized the movie ended already. did brandon routh even had real lines in that movie? i can't even remember! .. well, except probably for "i'm always just around".

hmm.. they shouldn't make superheroes in superhero movies so flawless. but then, it always make up for movies like this. but don't get me wrong, i loved the movie.. i enjoyed every minute of him... oops, of 'it' pala!. only if they'd shown more of him..hahaha.

i should not forget to mention too that the similarities between him and christopher reeves was just amazing. i was seeing him most of the time. he indeed is all worth it to be the next superman.

seriously, i wasn't disappointed. it's the best superhero flick i've seen so far.

on a different note, i was just glad that i watched the superman movie over the worldcup game last night. i couldn't bear my heart breaking over england and brazil's loss. oh well, it still is! then beckham had to leave as captain! i just hope to see germany or france in the finals.