not in the mood

when single, you always deal with this kind of conversation, that your responses to the issue just varies with your mood. lately, this has been mine.

s: have you been dating anyone?
m: hmmm.. no one.
s: are you sure? even occasionally seeing someone?
m: last time i checked?..none..though how i wish i was .. but no.. there's no one.
s: what about the guy from this-and-that?
m: nope. that was ages ago. m not interested
s: remember the other guy?
m: oh, that guy? what about him?
s: why don't you call him? ask him how he is, etc.
m: not interested.
s: why not?
m: m just not in the mood. i don't feel like it.
s: he's really cute y'know.
m: so? he's history, and besides i'm not in the mood
for that kind of thing
s: what's eating you?
m: nothing.
s: who knows what might work out of it.
m: i've got bigger problems infront of me. i'd rather not get
myself bothered about such trivial things
s: well..okay, there's no need to rush anyway.
m: what's to rush? m still young. duh!
s: yeah. there's still more ahead of you. okay, forget
that i mentioned him.
m: m forgetting it already. (pause) so, what are we talking about?

joyeux anniversaire

i knew someone who once told me that he hated birthdays. close-minded that i was, i totally find it absurd. who would hate birthdays? i didn't understand him then. but i think i do now. not that i hated birthdays. but somehow i understand now and how it would make a lonely person even lonelier.

birthdays are supposedly spent centered on you. i guess that makes it one of the most selfish celebrations if that's how it is continually viewed. we're supposed to receive "gifts". people ought to recognize your existence by greeting you on your "special" day. then that supposedly would make you feel "loved" and be happy. it's okay if you are around people who do find you significant in their lives, just like the way your family always make you feel.

but what if you're not? what if you're alone and far away? what if there's no one who could make you feel that sense of significance? you're around people who barely know you, or are just on the process of becoming "close" with them. well, they greet you if you tell them that it's your birthday. but i think that just totally looses the essence of it. so you anticipate all throughout the day if people would make you feel that you are somehow "special" and worthy of that. when the hours of your "birth"-day start to pass by, and no one makes you feel just that, how are you supposed to feel about birthdays? just bad, huh?

hmm.. am i being negative about it all? or do i just feel un-loved? well, that's totally not it. it's just that i'm supposed to be with the equally significant people of my life. my family. but i'm not and that's making the day sad. yet despite it all, i know that there's still lots to be thankful, for birthdays are also that. it's a day where we should be thankful of the wonderful years that we have spent in this earth and for the wonderful years to come.

today's my 27th birthday...i know i am not getting any younger. but no one is. life goes on. time is ever moving, not stopping for even the most significant moments in our lives. not even on our birthdays. so whatever you do, it's just another day that marks a new chapter in your life. it's a day that makes me ever grateful... for my friends... and my family.

prito? nu-uh!

"i'll never make "prito" again, ever!"

last night, i almost got our condo unit (and who knows the whole building?) burned because i was trying to fry some fish! the last thing i remembered was putting the fish on the frying pan with oil and the next thing i knew i was holding a frying pan ablazed (while screaming my lungs out, like it could do something!). of course, that happened right after a huge blaze caught up the range hood and i was able to grab the pan away from it in probably less than a nanosecond.

when my housemate saw the kitchen and this huge fire (with me behind it), the first thing that came into her mind, that i was already burning. thank God it was just the pan! all happened so fast, but still what i had in mind was never ever to put water into the blazing pan. thank God i was still able to think about that one thing that's never to do in situations like this. who knows how worse the situation could get? what happened next was just screaming. i was screaming, my housemate was screaming (since she was as shocked as i was). but our screams of shock must have frightened the blaze since the fire started to let low until it finally was put off.

then there was a moment of silence. a state of shock. what had just happened?

when all our senses returned, we looked about our kitchen that was a mess. but everything seemed alright. well, except for the range hood that i thought i'd be spending much for repair services! the foam with all the black thingies that are like charcoal (which was supposed to absorb the odor from cooking) just got all burnt out, and all those little charcoal things just filled the whole kitchen and most of the floor. but on the other side of that mess, the kitchen cabinets didn't have any burnt
traces, the kitchen tiles just turned slightly gray and plastic food containers thrown to the floor. i must have reacted so quickly to be able to avoid any big damages. but then, that was adrenaline soaring high! for which, i'm still soo grateful! i've just been thanking God for saving me for whatever bigger damages that incident might have led to.

looking back, this happened to me the second time already. the last time was in our own kitchen back in bohol where i tried to fry some "chorizo" myself because i'm sick of everyone in the house bugging me for not knowing how to cook. see where my own pride brought me? an almost burnt kitchen, and no trace of "chorizo" to eat. but i was just 14 then, and i remembered swearing to never ever cook again.

it was a good thing i was able to overcome that fear. right after college, i started to learn how to cook. but making "prito" wasn't really that much of a favorite dish (to cook). in fact, it's one of the most difficult dish for me to make (aside from cooking monggo and anything with squash on them).

from now on, i'm taking my swear back. with having that up-close encounters with fire, i'll never have the strength to make "prito" ever again.

no worries

nothing beats a feel good song on a hectic day...

(Artist: Simon Webbe)
(Album: Sanctuary)

I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little better
Even on the darkest day
I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little further
Right until the feelings change

So, is this how it goes?
Think you've come this far with nothing to show
That ain't so, no
You don't see where you are
And if you don't look back you know you'll never know

Cause you think that you've been living, just treading water
And waiting in the wings for the show to begin
But I always see you searching
As you try that bit harder
Getting closer, oh yeah, to the life you're imagining

[chorus]
(I just know your life's gonna change)
Maybe not today, maybe not today
Some day soon you'll be all right
(I just know your life's gonna change)
Don't turn the other way, turn the other way
Feels like luck is on your side
(Just wanna live)
No worries, no worries
(Don't wanna die)
No worries, no worries
(Fight thought the lows)
Say it for me, say it for me,
(And take all the highs)
We all need somebody
(Yeah we can sink)
No worries, no worries
(Or can you swim)
No worries, no worries
(Or walk on out)
Say it for me, say it for me,
(Or jump right in)
We all need somebody

So, baby keep drifting on
Your endeavours ain't just selfless wasted time
Seek and find, yeah yeah
You're not that far from what you've hoped and wished for all along

Cause you think that you've been living, just treading water
And waiting in the wings for the show to begin
But I always see you searching
As you try that bit harder
Getting closer, oh yeah, to the life you're imagining

[chorus]

I just know your life's gonna change
Say it for me, say it for me
We all need somebody

*****************
lyrics from http://www.anysonglyrics.com

candy heart

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"
A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

shopping blues

i'm always impressed how shopping manages to lift my mood and little fits or even just my boredom. once i carry off a new pair of shoes from a boutique, i feel this certain lightness sweep over me like my troubles have just walked away with my old pair.

okay, you may think i am exaggerating this a little bit. But i know some women out there who has the same weakness for pretty, sexy, must-have sandals would definitely agree with me.

Shopping has always been a form of therapy for women. Although, it is a dreadful weakness to cope up most specially if you get your credit card bills soar high. Unless you got a rich daddy to pay them off, then there's not much of a problem there. hehe. But for those who have to survive on their own (just like me), you have to learn to be responsible with your finances.

I admit i've been a shopaholic myself. There's always a cute item (that later on i'd find totally non-essential) that i'd find in the malls. But i've been in some form of "therapy" for some time now since i started to see my huge credit card bills. Though it was difficult and i've had my share of relapse, i finally managed to pay off all my bills (thank goodness!). Now, i'm trying to shop on cash basis. Driving me away from the malls would have been more sensible, but that totally is NOT therapy for me. I just could not keep away from the simple joys that "malling or window shopping" brings, plus i get to have some exercise. :)

Since i came here in sg, i've been splurging with all the goodies that one can find. Well, who's to blame if Sales are unending in this part of the globe? they should have warned me! At first i was buying for necessary things, like work clothes and shoes. Then, when we moved to our apartment, i was buying house stuffs. There's always a nicer looking towel, or bed sheets, etcetera.

After i spent the weekends buying the "necessary" stuffs, i was left with nothing else to do but stay home and face the tube. Plus, there's really not much interesting shows on weekend afternoons, so i just got bored.

I'm afraid my boredom has driven me to the malls :( well, with choices like stay home, or do overtime and malling for the weekend, which do you think would i choose? well, i can stay home for a day, on a weekend. but definitely not for two days straight. i need the exercise, you know. hehehe.

i know i really have to stop myself before my credit card bills soar high once again. darn those banks for existing in the first place. hehehe. well, okay, it's really not their fault. i really have to look for things to occupy me on my weekends, or else i would have toured all the shopping malls here before the year would end (which is really not such a bad idea).

i should do yoga. (think).

colin firth

i just had a funny, sexy dream last night that left a smile on my face even when i woke up the following morning. The funny part was that i dreamt about Colin Firth! i rarely take big handsome actors in my dreams (like i take them home). But then, Colin Firth?

It's funny coz i don't think about him as often as i think about someone like brad pitt (though i'ved liked him less after the jen-brad-angelina thing), or george clooney (still my favorite). Well, i admit Colin Firth is sexy in a very endearing kind of way. don't you think? If not, you must haven't seen him on the bridget jone's diary! :D but rhim being in my dream is not the sexy part yet.

So, in my dream he had me engrossed in some conversation. Then i realized i wasn't so attentive with what he was talking about coz i was just taken away by the sexy british accent. The next thing i knew, we were in his room already and he was talking about his underwear. He tells me in this really sexy and innocent way how comfortable he is with boxers as compared with briefs. all of a sudden i was wondering how did our conversation ever lead to this? i couldn't recall but i surely wasn't complaining. :D

My attention definitely got quipped as he showed me one by one his "unused" black boxers ( which by then i was already holding my breath and then was gasping for air after) HEHEHEHE. Like what he
was doing wasn't torture enough, he told me he wasn't wearing one (boxers, that is) and gave me a peek of the black briefs that he was wearing. that got me totally speechless and all i could think of
after was 'what a sexy bum!'. HEHEHE..

i was curious what would have happened next, but the spoiler already came. the sun was then up and shining and my body clock ticked for me to get up. i still stayed in my bed for another thirty minutes since funny and sexy dreams are rare when you sleep exhausted from a day's work. i just had to linger on and think about my dream. the smile on my face just won't go away.

i still can't believe that i just dreamt about colin firth and his boxers. :D