our company decided to celebrate its 1 year anniversary by the beach. i should say it was a simple celebration, not really grand, but everybody had fun. what would a grand place do if there ain't not enough food for everyone? well, that saturday's celebration was surely a feast :) there were even more lechon ribs that i could manage to munch on (yummy!).
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some of us went to party for the jamaican nights later that evening. i thought i won't be able to join this one, but knowing there'd be a lot of my friends going, i just couldn't resist it. :) i was glad that i did though since we surely had a blast. but i had to not mind my insecurities that i get when going to these kind of events. well, with all the thin women clad in bikinis, who wudn't be when u know u couldn't just wear one. makes me want to be thin for the next jamaican nights! hehe.
but who wud mind much about those women when there's also a fair share of gorgeous hunks. ok, it is really not a fair share. there are just a few hunks around, and all of them are with their also-sexy, thin, pretty girlfriends. makes me want to be thin, twice as much this time.
i know most men would disagree with me. but i think the whole bikini open and lingerie fashion show should have been cut short, and the reggae bands should have played three sets :) well, the fashion show and the bikini open was quite a drag when people go there to party. it would probably have helped if they got lesser gay looking models or contestants on the bikini open. i literally had to sit down on the sand as my feet was aching from standing among the sweat-drenched boys ogling at the female contestants and the models. but it was funny seeing the men's reaction and how much unappreciative they were with the male bikini open contestants and models.
i already got home around 5 am early morning the following day.
something must have happened that i have just lost the interest to write down my notes. my journals are probably now getting comfy with the dusts. maybe i just grew tired from writing too much about what my feelings were then. or simply i just detached myself from me, if that's even possible. probably was. but for the record, that could have been the best thing to do at that time. i was this duckling, swamped and could not find shelter from the rain. i simply was just lost. what can you write when you do not even know what you feel exactly? 
i've just spent an amazing weekend at st. john's monastery. i didnt realize that by simply being around with people with so much positive aura could lift up your burried misery and disappointments. i was with the brothers and sisters of the st. john's community and simply spending a few days with them, i've seen some silver linings on my life when i thought would just be grey. they've taught me to deepen my faith. my only challenge now is to be able to keep that fire burning. 
first thing, deal with kf. i know things are way over between us. but somehow my stubborn head won't get any of it unless he'd really say something about it. worst thing someone could do to you is leave you hanging in some thin air. and that's what he did. to be able to finally let my hands free, i had to write him a letter asking for the last time about us. i was hoping he'd write me back, but he didnt. he answered by changing his friendster status to single, and deleting my testimonial of him. i guess that's the best answer i can get from him. though i can't explain this funny feeling inside, i'm just glad he responded the way he did. 
